


The Secret Diary of A Fangirl

by liferuinedbyrenner



Series: The Secret Diary of A Fangirl [1]
Category: Jeremy Renner - Fandom
Genre: Angst, British, Comfort, F/M, Fangirl, Gen, Original Character(s), Photography, RPF, Romance, Writer, real person fiction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:12:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7047229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liferuinedbyrenner/pseuds/liferuinedbyrenner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was originally Dream A Little Dream....</p><p>Janey is British and recently moved to LA to peruse her dream of being a writer. When one day a chance encounter with famous photographer Astrid would change her life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a British writer and my character Janey is British and there are some words I cannot change to suit other readers. I've written it as a English person would write it.

The Secret Diary of a Fangirl

Dream A Little Dream

By liferuinedbyrenner 

 

I'd moved to LA with a hold-all that I'd found in a local charity shop back home in England. It was all I could afford after spending the rest of my money on the plane ticket. My friends laughed when I told them what I was planning. Saying that I'd be back within a week with my tail in between my legs and begging for my old job in the shop back. But as the plane landed at LAX I realised that this was where I was meant to be. Being a writer was all I had ever wanted to be.

 

I've known people that have said that they've fallen in to a job without even realising it. Which is what happened to me, that day in Starbucks when I spilt a non cafe, no foam latte over a woman, by accident. Who wouldn't let me apologise and threatened to sue me for third degree burns. I could just about pay for my coffee let alone pay for an expensive law suit. Even to this day I still don't know how I managed to wriggle out of being arrested. Especially not being American. I was half expecting them to deport me. But they didn't. It was that day that my adventure began.

 

I didn't know it at the time but the woman I had just spilt latte over was some Hollywood famous photographer, Astrid Morrison. Demeaning herself by getting her own coffee since her assistant quit a few days before. Barking her order at the Barista who had looked scared to death. I wondered if it was because of her that I spilt my drink. The noise that woman can make with her voice would make dogs howl.

 

I must have apologised a hundred times before managing to get out of the coffee shop and on to the street, hearing the door burst open behind me and that screeching voice yelling at me. Yelling that she was going to sue, grabbing my arm and pulling me back. I told her that I only had enough money to pay for the coffee and was sleeping on some guy’s floor that I met at the airport and was pretty sure that he was gonna sell me as some kind of sex slave if I didn't find a job pretty soon. She must have found it funny or found my British accent amusing because she changed her mind about suing and offered me a job to pay off her dry cleaning bill. It was either that or going to prison. I guess I chose the easy way out, or so I thought.

 

The only thing I liked about that woman had been her work. She was an amazing photographer. And the fact that she continued to pay me after her dry cleaning bill was cleared. Not the pittance I was expecting her to pay but proper money. I managed to find a small apartment share with two other girls who were aspiring actresses, which was to be expected in LA. So there was two actresses and a wannabe screenplay writer all living in the same apartment. Which sounded like a cheesy joke without the smutty one liner. All with our individual personalities but with one goal. To make it big!

 

I'd only been her assistant for a few weeks before one of her big named clients turned up for a photo shoot. I was a little star struck at first. Astrid told me to get over it quickly otherwise I wouldn't make it at all. That and my incurable shyness. But I always thought what did it matter. I'm gonna be behind the camera and not in front of it. Despite our problems, Astrid knew my desire to succeed and saw the same thing in me that she had seen in herself. To succeed at any cost. All though I would never go to the lengths that she had. After the first week I had been her assistant I had read her autobiography from cover to cover in one night. Keeping me up and all blurry eyed for the next day. Some of the things she got up to when she was younger had made my eyes water. I never knew anyone who had been that ruthless before. Maybe it had been all her years trying to make it as a good guy turned her into something more. Something that actually got her somewhere in Hollywood. Now all the stars were after her to take their pictures. And I as her assistant got to witness her creativity at work. Not to mention the hotties who came through those doors.

 

Being star struck only lasted a few months. It was hard to like someone when they were bossing you around asking for coffee or whatever was the new health kick juice they were on for that particular week. Astrid calls me her little English gopher. But secretly, she would be lost without me. I turned up for work early, making the morning journey from my crazy apartment to the quiet of the office. Making sure everything was prepped and ready for the day, picking up the mail. Astrid said the night before that there was a high profile client coming in the afternoon to go over final plans for their shoot. But she wouldn't tell me who it was. I was half expecting a procession of assistants and body guards and God knows what else. The studio was in one of the nice parts of LA and the view in the morning was beautiful. That quiet moment before Astrid turned up to wreck it all. Usually I sat in her chair near the open plan window and stared out at the Hollywood hills. It was calm and peaceful. Making the thoughts in my head clear. I looked up as I heard the door downstairs open and footsteps on the stairs.

 

"JANEY, ARE YOU HERE YET?"

 

I jumped up from the chair, making sure it was in the right place. Feeling like Goldilocks and not wanting to be caught by Momma bear and I had to make sure her porridge or morning coffee was just right. Putting on a pot before I took five minutes for myself. I sighed, making sure I hadn't moved anything.

 

"I'm here,"

 

The door opened behind me and Astrid strode in like she usually did, as though she owned the place, which she did. Her long red hair all tied up in a pony tail. It had been her high heels the I'd heard on the stairs. I moved over to her, taking the bag from off her shoulder, placing the cup of coffee in one hand.

 

"I've put the mail on your desk. But I couldn't find your appointment book," I said.

 

Astrid shook her head, her pony tail swinging from side to side.

 

"I don't need it today, I only have one client for the next few days,"

 

"And you still won't tell me who it is,"

 

She gave what passed off as a smile.

 

"Just make sure everything is ready. Did the clothes designer drop off her clothes last night.”

"Yes they’re out back. I tried to look but she wouldn't let me," Astrid smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "Good. This photo shoot won't be published for a few months and I don't want images leaking out onto the internet, understand.”

 

I nodded, lifting her bag over my shoulder and taking it across the room to her desk, hooking it onto a coat rail. She looked at her watch, hurrying to her desk.

 

"He'll be here in an hour."

 

"So he's a he," I said, finally.

 

"I'll give you that one. Just do one thing for me today and don't react when he comes in. I've seen how you can get when you meet someone famous,"

 

"Okay so I may have gone fangirly a couple of times and..."

 

"You fainted!" Astrid said, gaining great joy in letting me relive that moment.

 

"If you feel light headed, make sure you eat something beforehand. I can't afford for you to mess this up."

 

I was used to her by now and some days she was actually nice to me. I knew her career was important and she wanted to protect that.

 

"I won't mess this up."

 

"Good. Go and make sure everything is set up. I'll be in in a minute to check the equipment."

 

One thing Astrid never let me do was use her equipment. Which was understandable. I never let anyone use my pen. The special one that my grandma gave me when I told her I wanted to be a writer. Most people would have brought me a laptop, but not my grandma. She was old school. And I got used to the feeling of a pen in my hand, the feel of the paper against my skin. It felt familiar like that old pair of socks you wore in the winter. Plus it reminded me of home.

 

"Did you have some breakfast or shall I go and get something?"

 

"No. Just make sure everything is set up."

 

"Okay," I said disappearing into the back room. It hadn't taken me long to set everything up. Sitting at a desk in the corner of the room watching as Astrid carefully checked each piece of equipment. Sometimes she would take a few test shots, thinking that I wouldn't notice. I saw her developing them once, taking her time with them. Maybe she was going to give them to me later, I didn't know. I took out my pen from the notebook, running my fingers along the tip. It still smelt of my grandma. I looked up, seeing Astrid setting up a couple of tripods in the corner of the room. Figuring out already that she had a black and white theme and that the clothes must be white too. One thing that was my weakness was white. I don't know what it was but seeing someone I fancied in white was a tremendous turn on. I didn't know if it was the purity of the colour or just that white suited most people. Even Astrid was wearing white today. A white see through blouse and black pants, with the knee high boots. At times I had the occasional look. She was a very pretty woman when she wasn't balling her orders at me. Even for someone who lived in LA she wasn't vain and self obsessed with her looks like some people I'd met. I couldn't be one of those people. No one could ever confuse me of being one of those women either. I wasn't pretty or thin, I was just me. The kid from the UK with her normal family, with normal jobs and who wanted to be famous! I never had a boyfriend till I was in college and even then he was a prick. Always falling for the wrong guys. And my move to LA didn't make things better. People would move past me to get to my flat mates. In America I was classed as over weight even though I was a healthy size 14 in the UK. I had curves where women should have curves. As I walk down a side walk sometimes those skinny women pass by and I just wanna shout at them to have a burger or a sandwich or something. My weight was always a problem. At night when I was alone I wondered why I'd come here in the first place. This wasn't a town for normal sized girls even if my talent would soon outshine everything else about me.

 

I looked back down at what I was writing. The outline for that novel or screenplay I'd had stuck in my head for months but never really getting anywhere. Writers block was a pain in the ass. I never understood it. I had the ideas but the energy to write had been seriously lacking lately. Not knowing if it was the demanding job or the demanding boss. But this morning I'd had a second wind or something and I'd written a few hundred words which was better than editing and deleting half of it which I had done in the past. When it was flowing I didn't want to stop. I didn't even hear the door open downstairs, voices coming up the stairs. My hands practically flying off the pages, sitting there smiling to myself. The weight of Astrid's hand forced down on my notebook brought me around quick enough.

 

"JANEY," she said loudly. "What do I pay you for? Take his coat, Janey." She shook her head at me and the client who was standing behind her. I couldn't see who it was at first because she was blocking them. My eyes looked up quickly and scoured the room.

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in." 

"You did seem pretty engrossed in what you were doing," the voice from behind Astrid said. For some reason the voice sounded familiar. As if I'd heard it a million times before. Bringing an involuntary smile to my face. I stood up, closing the notebook, placing the pen on top of it. Astrid just glared at me, silently telling me to get a move on. As I moved around her I saw the woman first, small, blonde, smiling at me. "Here let me take your coat," I said, offering out my arm, watching as she shook her head.

 

"That's okay, I'm not stopping."

 

I felt someone standing behind me and turned slowly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Astrid slowly shaking her head. Mouthing some words to me. "Do not faint."

 

I shook my head not understanding why she would think I would faint. Then I looked up, seeing him standing there, smiling. Finding it amusing.

 

"Hi."

 

Now I understood why Astrid hadn't told me, because she knew that I've had a crush on this guy for years. He reached out his hands and my eyes dropped, staring at them, trying to avoid eye contact. But his hands were more of a distraction than I'd wanted. His fingers were long but stubby, strong, with several silver rings. One on each index finger and another on the fourth finger of his right hand. I felt his thumb run against my hand as he shook it. My heart was pounding in my chest, trying to breathe.

 

"Jeremy," he said out loud.

 

Saying his own name made me look up as if saying it made it more real. "Renner," I blurted out.

 

"That's right," he said with a laugh. "Don't wear it out."

 

I could see Astrid shaking her head behind him. This was beyond embarrassing for all of us, especially me. This was not how I wanted my first time meeting someone I actually admired and respected to go. At least I didn't faint which was something. My mind was still trying to process that Jeremy Renner was actually standing in front of me. That he was still holding my hand. With all the work I had been doing lately, I hadn't be able to get to see his new movie. Promising that I would when I had a free weekend. I finally managed to tear my gaze away from those blue eyes and that cute crooked smile to see Astrid signalling for me to come over. I finally managed to free my hand from Jeremy's and made my way across the room towards my boss.

 

"You'll have to excuse my assistant, she’s from England and not used to being around civilised people."

 

I scowled at her. That wasn't fair. For the last few weeks I hadn't fainted or spilt food down myself or anything in anyone's company. I didn't want him to know I was a total fan-girl. I'd met a lot of people online who had persuaded me to live my dream and go and move to LA to get that damned screenplay published. Which was all I wanted to do. "Why did you say that?" I whispered under my breath.

 

Astrid didn't say anything instead she escorted Jeremy across to her desk to show him the final details of the shoot. All I could do was stand and watch, feeling like a spare part, desperate to take out my mobile and text my friends back in the UK to tell them that I was in the presence of Jeremy Renner. Jeremy sat behind Astrid's desk and I foolishly looked in his direction, making eye contact. He smiled back at me. That gorgeous smile that always melted my heart and made a part of my anatomy wet.

 

"Can I get you anything, coffee, water?" I asked. If I'd have known who Astrid's client was I would have made sure I'd got some cookie dough in the refrigerator. Knowing what a sweet tooth he had. Jeremy shook his head.

 

"I'm fine Momma, maybe later."

 

I was literally on fire. I could feel my cheeks burning and my insides all fluttery. I was sure he knew I was a fan. Was it not obvious? Astrid knew. God knows how but she knew. I knew it was a mistake adding her as a friend on Facebook. Now she knew everything about me. Everything! I turned back around noticing that his PA had left the building. I felt a little bit like a loose end. Not wanting to hang around and stare at him. My reverie was broken by a knock on the door downstairs.

 

"Janey that'll be the stylists. Go and let them in,"

 

I nodded managing to tear my gaze away and headed down stairs. When I got to the top of the stairs to open the door I caught Jeremy looking at me, smiling. I was sure that smile got a lot of women into trouble. Something devilish about it. Like he was plotting something in the back of his mind. I looked away, making sure in didn't trip on the stairs or something. I shielded my eyes as I opened the front door. It was another gloriously sunny day in LA. On a day like this I wished we were on an outdoor shoot. The office could be so stuffy. Even after living here for a few months I still wasn't used to the heat. Born and raised in England all my life the heat was something we didn't get very often. The occasional heatwave in the summer.

I helped the stylist with her equipment up the stairs, looking around for Jeremy as soon as I entered. He was standing in the corner of the room with Astrid looking at the clothes. He'd taken off his jacket and was standing there in jeans and a tight fitting t shirt. I had to look away. When I'd seen Age of Ultron I thought I was going to combust. Those arms, the veins that went all the way up. Wanting to run my tongue along each one. My fantasies where Hawkeye was concerned were pretty naughty.

 

I helped the stylist into the back room, almost dropping her bag on my foot.

 

"Janey," Astrid called out.

 

My head peered through the curtains seeing her standing directly in front of me. I didn't even realise that the stylist was standing behind me until it was too late. She pushed me through the curtains and into the first available body. I looked up at feeling a pair of strong arms around me.

 

"Careful," he said.

 

There was no mistaking those arms. Jeremy held me tight making sure I didn't fall completely. Not because of being pushed but because of the way he was holding me. I breathed in and out slowly. I was sure everything was happening in slow motion. Jeremy smiled down at me. I was so lost in those blue eyes that I wanted to stay like this forever. My fantasy was good. But this was beyond anything I could imagine. Resisting the temptation to fling my arms around him.

 

"Excuse me," I said, trying to dodge past him. As I got nearer to Astrid I looked back. I was sure that he was looking at me. I mean proper looking at me. Astrid pushed a camera into my chest.

 

"Lighting," she said.

 

I nodded making an attempt to make sure she didn't know how much that hug had thrown me. I could still feel my heart pounding. I was trying to be as professional as my inner fangirl would allow. It was either that or look for another job. Despite it all, I loved this job. I looked up at Astrid who had a curious smile on her lips, like she was laughing at me without the actual laughter. In the months I had worked for her, I hadn't heard her laugh once. At least not a proper laugh.

 

"Why don't you go and get the film from out of the cupboard. You can do that can't you? " Astrid said, taking my arm and pulling me closer. "Just relax and be professional,"

 

It actually sounded as though she was trying to protect me or to stop me making an absolutely fool of myself or of her. I took the camera in my hand and walked the short distance towards the cabinet where the extra film was kept. That was another thing I liked about her, she still used actual film and processed the pictures herself unless it was for a quick shoot then it went digital. I understood it. Being a writer I know how it feels to hold a pen and paper in my head. The weight of the pen, how heavy it feels at first until it finds that groove in your finger and then it feels as though it's been there for ever. That's how she felt about processing the film. To see the image come to life. The smile that appears on her face.

 

I could hear voices behind me. Renner's voice. It was so distinct that I could recognise it in any crowded room. Then Astrid's. Telling him how she was going to set up the first few shots, showing him where to sit! Then he laughed and I practically levitated off the floor in my knee high boots, landing safely as it turned from a laugh into a throaty chuckle. I was in hell. Or dreaming! Either way it was torturous. Hearing that laugh was something I'd only experienced secondhand through videos and audio chats. He really did have the most dirty laugh I'd ever heard. One that could charm the panties off any lady. I knew that Astrid had photographed Jeremy before and wondered from the way they were laughing around with each other if they had been more than client and photographer! I took the last of the rolls of film out of the cupboard and closed it. I was handling more than I should and they fell from my grip, landing on the floor next to my feet. I bent down, picking them up as quickly as I could. Hearing Astrid tutting at me. I grabbed a few, seeing someone else's hands.

 

"Here, let me get that," Jeremy said, kneeling down and looking at me.

 

I hadn't realised at the time when he first came in how good he smelt. Knowing that he always wore the same Chanel scent. It was addictively intoxicating. All I could do was breathe in. I gave Astrid a quick look. "She's so gonna fire me,"

 

"Hey, don't worry about Astrid, she's a pussy cat really!" he said. I wondered if he was speaking from experience. The way he said pussy just made me want to giggle. An innocent yet dirty word. Especially when coming out of that mouth.

 

"Thank you," Jeremy placed the last roll in my arms and helped me up. As soon as I stood up Astrid picked each roll of film.

 

"Sit over there and try not to break anything," she said. I never under stood her moods. Only five minutes ago she'd practically been nice to me. Now it looked like she wanted to thump me.

 

I turned, heading back to a spare desk in the corner of the room, picking up my bag and sitting down. It was humiliating to be treated like that. But I guess it was my own fault. Being a fan of someone I was supposed to act all professional around. Only ended up embarrassing myself. Astrid pulled Jeremy away, hiding him behind the camera and an umbrella light stand. This was the first time she'd left me out of a shoot. I was definitely being fired! I was trying to distract myself by editing the last chapter I wrote. Editing was one process of being a writer I hated. Of course it had to be done. Gone were the times where I had a beta back home in the UK. This was becoming a far bigger project than I had originally anticipated. I didn't mind editing when it was quiet. But this wasn't quiet. It was Astrid making a point. That if I continued to act unprofessional that I would be put back and not interact with anyone. But not just anyone. This was Jeremy Renner. Someone I'd been a fan of for years. This was Astrid punishing me. He must have been lying when he said she was a pussy cat. I'd only seen fleeting glimpses now and again.

 

I looked up from my note book hearing them laughing again. My view obstructed by the snooty stylist who had taken it upon herself to sit on the edge of my desk. She was so thin that at the right angle I could probably see straight through her. I could hear my stomach grumble and looked at my watch, it was almost midday. I stood up, trying to get passed the stylist, almost tripping over her foot. Steadying myself by grabbing hold of one of the lamps and managing not to knock both of us over. My head turned towards the main part of the studio, seeing Astrid reposition Jeremy who was standing against a fake mirror. I tried not to smile but couldn't help it. The stylist had changed his clothes a few times and now he was wearing black jeans and a black leather jacket. His hair all spiky and flat on one side, just begging for someone to run their fingers through it. He just looked so sexy. And I had never seen a picture from a photoshoot where he didn't look like pure sex.

 

I straightened myself out and headed down to where the caterer had left the food. I began picking at the canapes, knowing I shouldn't. I usually went to get my own lunch, leaving Astrid and her cronies. Sometimes I didn't fit in and I knew that. But I was trying my best. If my best wasn't good enough for Astrid then I would just have to live with her sacking me and find someone else's sofa to sleep on. My head turned at hearing Astrid calling time for lunch, knowing the skinny stylist would be down here in a matter of minutes eating everything that had been laid out. The door opened behind me and I heard footsteps, not high heels but heavy steps from manly boots. The smell of Chanel Pour Monsieur hit my senses like a freight train. I was literally frozen to the spot. I couldn't move. I stood up sensing someone standing behind me then felt a hand on my back.

 

"This looks amazing," Jeremy said.

 

I held in a deep breath as his hand moved slowly down my back. If today was the day I was going to spontaneously combust please god let it be this moment. I tried to hold it in but only succeeded in making a stupid little noise that seemed to fill the entire room. My whole body turned around coming face to face. A moment my dreams were made of.

 

"Did you do all this?" He asked.

 

I shook my head, failure to speak probably permanent. I followed Jeremy's gaze as he looked over the table. Watching his hand reach over me and pick up a piece of fruit and take a bite.

 

"You know what this needs?" he asked. "Something sweet!"

 

My eyes couldn't stop staring as he lick the juice from his lips. What the fuck was he doing and why was he doing it in front of me.

 

"Do you like sweet things, Janey? "

 

Before I could answer I saw the stylist standing in front of me.

 

"Of course she does, can't you tell from the size of her!"

 

My gaze drifted downwards, wanting a hole to open up and swallow me. "Excuse me," I whispered, not wanting anyone to notice me. I pushed my way through and back up the short flight of stairs. Astrid sat at her desk looking up as I picked up my bag. "I'm heading out for lunch. I won't be long."

 

Astrid stood from her desk. "You okay kid?" she whispered, her tone was soft and almost sympathetic.

 

There was a park a few short blocks away from the studio. Somewhere I used to go when I was feeling homesick. I sat on a bench with a table trying not to lose control completely, my mind distracted and still being able to feel his hand on my back. Had Jeremy Renner been flirting with me? Surely not. I wondered why the stylist had followed him in there quickly. Maybe they were hooking up and he wanted to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible so I'd leave them to it. That's right. That's what it was about. But I still couldn't shake the sensation of his hand that close to my body. Could I really go another few hours being in the same room again. I'd only just managed to escape with a little bit of dignity.

 

I'd stopped off at a nearby deli, deciding to grab lunch there instead of eating back at the studio. I pulled out my notebook feeling inspiration begin to sweep over me. I'd learned not to question when the urge took me. Learning to embrace my creative side. I'd even started keeping a dream journal. Jotting down every single idea I had in the hope of making something out of nothing. I took a few bites out of my lunch then a swig of water. At least I wasn't drinking as much cola as I used to. I looked down at the pages, watching as my hand became a blur as I began write and write. I smiled to myself. I did love it when it flowed. It felt as though nothing could stop me.

 

My eyes drifted to my phone as it buzzed on the bench in front of me. 5 missed calls from Astrid and onto her 6th. I picked it up quickly hearing her shout down the phone at me, asking me where I was. "I'm coming. I'll be right there!" I tried not to shout back, knowing it would only make things worse. I shoved everything back into my bag and raced off towards the studio. She sounded mad on the phone. I knew Astrid hated to be kept waiting. Sometimes I thought if I did it just to piss her off. Instead of going through the front I made my way around the other side of the building, wanting to keep out of Astrid's way, planning on going up the back stairs.

 

As I got nearer I could smell the disgusting smell of smoke. Knowing that my boss only smoked those new fancy vape cigarettes which to me smelt equally as disgusting as tobacco. I blinked several times as the smoke began to sting my eyes and I began to cough. My hand reached out to grab the door handle....

 

"I wouldn't go up there just yet. She's still pretty pissed at you rushing off like that." Jeremy said, appearing from around the corner, cigarette in hand and still wearing the same clothes the stylist had put him in earlier. I'd seen pictures of him smoking before and always hated the fact that he put that disgusting stuff in his body but could never get over how hot he looked whilst doing it. I looked up, seeing an open window and heard Astrid on the phone to one of her friends slagging me off. Asking her why she kept me on.

 

"I've gotta eat, don't I?"

 

"Not like that girl upstairs," Jeremy said.

 

I smiled, trying not to make it into a full blown laugh. "She could stand to eat those donuts I put out!" I could hear my stomach growling at the thought of those donuts, hoping that they had left some for me. I turned to look at Jeremy who was already half way through his cigarette. My eyes transfixed by those fingers. Trying not to let those dirty thoughts creep into my mind.

 

"If she'd have let me know who her client was today I would have brought some cookie dough." I said. “Maybe tomorrow but I should get going before she bursts a blood vessel or something."

 

Jeremy nodded, stubbing out his cigarette against the wall and opened the side door, holding it open for me. "After you,"

 

I smiled as let me inside and I climbed the back stairs to the studio, conscious of the fact he was behind me and no doubt thinking about commenting on the size of my backside. Living in LA it was hard to keep wearing the baggy clothes that covered that particular area of my body. The top of the stairs came with a sigh of relief and a piercing shriek in my ears.

 

"JANEY! Where the hell have you been?"

 

I took a deep breath. "I deserve a lunch break don't I?

 

“It's not like you were working! "Tidy up the mess in the kitchen. Looks like a tornado went through there."

 

I nodded slowly, dropping my bag on my little desk.

 

"I hope she wasn't bothering you Jeremy. I know how much of a fangirl she can be."

 

My head turned back. Not even knowing Astrid knew the word. Jeremy shook his head, smiling. That god damn smile again. Surely he knew how it affected the women around, especially the fangirls like me.

 

 

"She's doing a good job in taking care of me," he said, winking at me from across the room."

 

And I'm dead......

 

I made my way into the kitchen shocked at the way it looked. I'd only been gone thirty minutes at most. It looked like my sister’s bedroom when she was a teenager only more tidy. Taking a deep breath before I began to tidy, noticing that there was one donut left! My hand hovering over it. Temptation in every direction. The donut on the table and Jeremy fucking Renner in the other room. My mind was wandering again, imagining the two together. It only took a few minutes to tidy the kitchen, making sure everything was in the correct place. Heading back into the studio, the faint sound of some classical music Astrid liked to listen to whilst she was working. Not quite sure if it was the music Jeremy would prefer to listen too. My head turned as she called out my name.

 

"You want to take a few shots?" Astrid asked. I looked up, my smile beaming in all directions.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

Astrid nodded. "If you’re serious about this now is a good time to start!"

 

I raced across the room maybe a little too eager. Astrid patting me on the back.

 

"It's not just about taking the photograph it's about getting the mood right, the lighting and making sure the subject is comfortable."

 

I listened carefully to everything she told me.

 

"Are you comfortable, Jeremy?"'she asked.

 

I tried to hide my smile at her comment, looking away briefly so neither could see. But I made the mistake of looking up, seeing Jeremy smiling back at me. I did not want to fuck this up, especially now.

 

"I sure am."

 

The stylist pushed passed me, making her way across the room towards Jeremy, taking off that leather jacket. It was getting a little warm. I looked at Astrid before I picked up the camera.

 

"Go ahead," she whispered. I could feel it shake in my hands, not just because of how heavy it was but because of how nervous I was. I knew Astrid was going to choose these for her photo shoot, she just wanted me to play around a little. My smile widened as I took the first shot, making Jeremy smile too. Both of us beginning to relax. I took several more shots as my subject began to strike silly poses for me, making me giggle even more. Astrid took the camera from me for a moment as she checked out my handy work.

 

"Pretty good, kid!" she said, patting me on the back. "Take a few more if you want whilst I have a break."

 

I stared at her, not knowing if she was joking or not. "I... I can't." I looked across at Jeremy who just stood there smiling. knowing that I wouldn't be able to resist that smile.

 

"Okay," I said, taking the camera off Astrid.

 

"Being a good photographer isn't just about taking photographs Janey, you need to be a director too. Tell Jeremy what you want him to do, where to stand."

 

I froze a little. Trying to hold back a giggle. Neither of them wanted to know what I wanted him to do. If they'd have read the current fanfic I was writing then they would understand why I had to take a moment to compose myself. Astrid leaned in, whispering in my ear.

 

"He's an actor, kid, he knows how to take direction!"

 

She gave me that knowing look again and gently patted me on the back. Out of my eye I saw her sit down on a chair behind me, urging me to carry on. This morning seemed like a long time ago. This morning I was this weird chick from the UK with a huge crush and a dream of being a writer. Just like any other person in LA. But now I was face to face with my crush and holding a camera instead of a pen. Maybe Astrid saw something in me that I didn't see myself. My first picture wasn't that bad. Just like the first story I wrote when I was 14, it could do with some work. I took another few photographs, finally finding my groove. Even finding the courage to talk to Jeremy. The thousand conversations I've had with him in my head before today couldn't compare to the reality.

 

Astrid kept an eye on me, making sure I behaved properly. It was hard not to smile. Just looking at him made me want to giggle like a school girl or the fangirl that I was. Especially when the stylist changed him into something that made me dribble a little, white t shirt and black jeans, brushing his hair to one side. He looked so hot I could have cried! By mid afternoon, Astrid took back her camera. Giving me praise but ordering me back to my regular job, assisting her. I sat at my desk, feeling the urge to write again. Pulling out my note book, watching as page after page just flew out of my mind. Looking up every now and again when Astrid shouted my name from across the studio and looking at Jeremy. Finding it hard to concentrate when he caught my eye. As though he could read the dirty thoughts that were running through my mind. All involving the table I was working on. My face flushing red every single time his name was mentioned. I wanted him so bad it hurt. But it was the fantasy in my mind. After managing to actually say more than one word to him, he was the down to earth guy that everyone had said, flirty to anyone with breasts and a smile that could disintegrate panties at fifty paces. I looked at my watch, noticing the time, that it was getting late. Astrid hadn't told me if it was going to be an evening shoot. Not that I'd made plans other than with a bowl of popcorn and skypeing with my friends back in the UK, telling them about my day as I did every Wednesday or Rennsday as we always called it. Today had been the best Rennsday ever!

 

They would never believe the day I’d had. Since moving to LA I had tweeted every single time I'd seen someone famous, even just walking down the street. But from this morning my Twitter had been silenced. I'd barely been able to speak to him let alone pose for the usual selfie. My eyes looked up, seeing Astrid at her desk looking at the proofs on her computer, even the photos I'd taken turned out better than expected. Even Astrid was surprised. But I don't think she has anything to worry about, I'm not that much competition. I'm not much competition for anyone or anything. I saw Jeremy talking to his assistant who had been sitting quietly in the corner of the room most of the day, in his phone. I'm sure I'd heard the theme to angry birds a few times already. He looked up for a moment catching my eye and smiling.

 

"Do you wanna see?" Astrid called out from across the room towards Jeremy.

 

He pulled on his tie, as though it was trying to strangle him. "Let me get out of this first!" he called back.

 

I watched him move across the room towards the back where he had gotten dressed a couple of times. It was torture imagining him taking off his clothes, putting back on the clothes he'd arrived in. That smell lingering as he walked past. I could still smell the Chanel on me from when he had been close to me earlier. It was intoxicating. I looked back down at my notebook trying to put out my thoughts into something more coherent than the babbling mess that was currently running through my mind. I couldn't concentrate being so close to that man. I'd already lost a day of writing. Astrid usually wasn't so friendly and encouraging. I hoped that it would be the beginning of her showing me more of the business and take a more practical assistant’s role and not just making tea and coffee. I could do that in any office back home and it wasn't what I had left my family and friends for. So I could live my dream of being a poor writer.

 

"God damn it!"

 

All of us looked up from what we were doing, hearing Renner shouting from a few feet away. Astrid looked at me, giving me a nod.

"Well go on then," she said.

 

“'What?" I asked.

 

"Go see if he's okay!"

 

"Me, why me?"

 

A smirk appeared on Astrid lips. I knew that an insult couldn't be far behind. "Well your the only one not really doing anything!"

 

"Fine!" I shouted back, sounding like a stroppy teenager. I stood up from my chair, closing my notebook, knowing exactly how it looked in case someone tried to read it. I walked the few feet behind the studio to where Jeremy had been trying to get dressed.

 

"Astrid wants to know what's wrong?" I said, just far enough away to not get sucked into his gravity. My first instinct was to laugh, seeing him fiddle with a zipper on the jacket he had been wearing which was now jammed into his shirt.

 

"I got stuck!" he said, looking at me. "That's why I prefer buttons[GF20] ."

 

I stepped forward, reaching out instantly to grab the zipper, stopping for a moment as I silently asked permission. Jeremy nodded back in response.

 

"Really. Is that why you never seem to finish buttoning the last two buttons?" I said, smiling. In his fandom it was no secret that he had no concept that he had two other buttons on his shirts that he never seemed to be able to reach. It was then that the stomach shots appeared. Which we were all truly thankful for.

 

"Are you going to take the piss or help me?" he asked.

 

"Okay!" I tugged on the zipper, trying to peel away the shirt underneath without tearing it. It looked expensive and I didn't want to be the one to have to pay for it. I must have pulled it too far and fast as the zipper unsnagged itself and my hand ran all the way down Jeremy's chest to a patch of exposed stomach which I was sure he had left open on purpose. Two words buzzed in my brain like an unending beacon, Renner flesh, Renner flesh. My god I touched Renner flesh. I'd always dreamt of what it would feel like but the reality as I was discovering was more delightful than what I could have imagined. His skin felt soft and I let my mind wander for a split second, forgetting what I was doing as my hand continued to move, reaching the belt on his trousers. My eyes widened as my fingers made contact with the leather belt.

 

"Shit!" I said. "Damn it. I shouldn't have done that. God. I'm sorry,"

 

He didn't say a word. Not a single one. I felt his hands grip my arms and spin me around, pressing my back against the table that had been behind him. My brain was screaming wtf wtf but other parts of my body were on fire. His fingers gripped my skin, holding me in place. Just staring at me with those intense blue eye. Then that crooked smile as he let one hand go, pressing it against my own body. I thought my legs were going to give way! My breathing becoming heavier as his hand slipped under my t shirt, his fingers running along my stomach. My body shook, not only in arousal but complete terror. For all of my fantasies regarding Jeremy I never wanted this to happen. For him to see me, touch me. Always hating my body. But.. Despite it my body craved for his hand to go lower. I blinked several times hoping he would become distracted. But no. My head looked up as I heard someone behind us. I followed Jeremy's eye, seeing Astrid standing in the doorway, a more than shocked expression on her face.

 

"What the fuck is going on,"

 

I pushed Jeremy's hand away, pulling down my t shirt. I couldn't say the words because I had no idea what had just happened, mouthing nothing in response.

 

"Just go home. Take the rest of the day off."

 

I bolted from Jeremy's grip, still being able to hear him breathing hard behind me. I was going to smell that Chanel on me for the rest of the year. As I got near to Astrid my mouth tried once again to explain and again nothing came out. She just shook her head, watching as I ran into the main studio, collecting my things and making a run for it. The most embarrassing moment of my life.

 

I don't know how long I spent wandering the coffee bars to find some solace, checking my phone to see if Astrid had sent me a you’re fired text. But there was nothing. Even her silent texts were painful. I kept going over it in my head, reliving ever single moment to make sure it hadn't been some fantasy I had cooked up in my mind. I could still smell the Chanel and the way his skin felt on my fingers. I would never forget the way they felt as long as I lived! The early afternoon coffee crowd was soon replaced by the after work I need another coffee set. I still tried to hide away as best as I could. I thought that writing might focus my mind more. Putting down on pen and paper what actually happened instead of reliving it over and over.

 

I opened my bag, realising that I'd left my notebook on my desk back at the studio. I didn't know if Astrid would welcome me back so soon or if she would still be there. By now I was getting hungry and there was that amazing restaurant down the block that would see me right for a few more hours and I needed that notebook, despite what would be waiting for me when I get there. It was almost 8pm by the time I made it back to the studio, making sure Astrid wasn't there. But I did bite the bullet, calling her cell and having a brief but important chat. I must have apologised a thousand times. Strange thing was that she didn't even seem fazed by it. It did make me wonder how many times she had seen something like that in a studio environment. Thankfully I was keeping my job but my embarrassment factor was still through the roof. Astrid had told me that my notebook was exactly where I had left it and to make sure nothing like that ever happened again.

 

I was glad that I could let myself in without having to see Astrid again so soon. She had given me tomorrow off to calm down and get my head straight. I let myself in to the studio, making sure the alarms wouldn't go off. Astrid would not approve of being called out at this time of night. I moved slowly up the stairs and into the main studio. I could see smell the faint whiff of Chanel. Why could I still smell him? It was like he was haunting me.

 

I smiled as I saw my notebook exactly where I left it and how I had purposely positioned it. I sat down on my chair, breathing a sigh of relief, clutching the book to my chest. There was no way I wanted this to land in the wrong hands. I slumped down in the chair, looking around the studio. My eyes drifting to the small room behind the main studio, where my encounter had taken place. Part of my brain still wasn't sure if it had actually happened. It only took me a few minutes to realise that Astrid had put security cameras all around the studio in case of theft. The security footage was on her computer.

 

I stood up, rushing across the room towards Astrid's desk. I knew all her passwords in case something went wrong with her back- up security. I sat down still clutching my notebook, placing it down on the desk and switching on the computer. It didn't take long to find the footage. My fingers hovering over the mouse. Did I really want to see that? No? Would it make me feel any better if it all happened how it all seemed in my head and not in some romanticised way? Like in that episode of Friends when Ross and Rachel had sex and accidentally filmed. Both thinking that it was amazing when really it was awkward and bumpy. Not that what happened was anything near sex, although it was the closest thing to sex I had experienced for a long time.

 

I shook my head, closing the folder. I didn't want to see how stupid I had been in front of someone not only did I admire as an actor and a person but more than slightly fancied. The rational part of my brain would never have done what I did. But I had done it. I had gone a little too far, further than a fan should. The only thing I didn't understand was why had he turned the tables on me? I switched off Astrid's computer, making sure I had left everything in the correct place, noticing a post it note to remind her of a meeting with Jeremy in the afternoon. Now knowing why she had given me the day off. She didn't want me anywhere near him again. I got to keep my job but having any further contact with this client was totally up in the air. I stood up, deciding that it was about time I went home. The flatmate was out of town for a few nights so at least I would have peace and quiet to reflect on what a total idiot, crazy fan I had been. In two minds about whether I should tell my friends back home or even if they would believe me. They knew Astrid photographed some of the big names in Hollywood and the UK but would they actually believe what had actually happened. Maybe I should have just forgotten about it. That I should go home, spend the next 24 hours in my apartment, no writing, no Renner movies and just chill. I smiled to myself. Like that had ever happened before! It would never happen.

 

I moved around the studio making sure everything was switched off and reset the alarm. Before I had a chance I heard noises on the stairs coming from the street. Picking up the nearest heavy object I could find, a tripod. It wouldn't kill anyone but would give them a nasty crack on the head. As a kid I had loved to play rounders, which was like baseball, only better and for kids. I raised the tripod, getting ready to swing.

 

"Hello. Is anyone still here?" A male voice called out. A voice I recognised. I stood frozen to the spot as I heard Jeremy coming up the stairs.

 

I wanted to hide but he must have seen the lights from out on the street. The door opened slowly as I stared for longer than I should have. There he stood in front of me wearing a dark blue three piece suit and a pair of sunglasses. I was sure I was going to melt to the spot again just like as I'd done earlier that morning. I took a step back as he removed his sunglasses, flashing me that smile that had almost gotten me into trouble earlier.

 

"Astrid isn't here!" I said, looking away. "And I'm about to leave!"

 

"I think I might have left my cell phone here earlier. Do you mind if I take a look?"

 

I shook my head.

 

"Go ahead. Looks like I'm never having dinner!" I whispered under my breath, watching as he searched for his phone. My eyes trying not to check out that perfect ass as he bent down, turning around so I couldn't see.

 

"You... You're off out somewhere?" I asked. His suit not completely lost on me. Renner suit porn was still a big thing and three pieces being my ultimate favourite.

 

Jeremy turned around, moving away the tripod I almost knocked him out with. "Yeah just dinner with some producer, unless they've called to cancel but I can't find my stupid phone[GF21] ,"

 

I turned back around, giving in and deciding to help. "I guess it'll be quicker with two of us looking for it. Do you remember where you had it last?"

 

A smile appeared on his face, that fucking smile that could get a fangirl wet at a hundred paces. He looked behind me in the direction of the makeshift dressing room he had used earlier. I could feel my face burning again, remembering. Jeremy took off his suit jacket, placing it over a nearby chair.

 

"Well... I can't remember seeing it when you were…" I said, my eye distracted again by the fact that the two bottom buttons on his vest were open. I tried not to stumble over my words but just thinking about it for a second was too much.

 

Jeremy just smiled at me. "Give me your phone!"

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"So you can ring mine!" I almost shook my head. I didn't want him to see my phone. "Hold on." I picked up my bag, rummaging through it. Needing to get that Hawkeye cover off as fast as I could, before he took it off me. Luckily for me I'd changed the wallpaper and lock screen during lunch. I wasn't so stupid to leave it laying around, just in case. I pulled it out, unlocking the screen and placing it in his hand.

 

Jeremy looked down at it, as though he was expecting more. "Fooled ya," I sang in my head.

 

"Are those your friends from England?" he asked as he put in his number on the keypad.

 

I nodded slowly. I don't know why I'd chosen that picture, maybe I was missing them and home a little bit. This was the first time I'd been homesick since moving to LA. Thankfully Astrid had been keeping me busy.

 

"Yeah. That's them. Best friends I could ever hope for. They were so supportive when I left[GF23] ,"

 

"Supportive friends are good to have in life," Jeremy said. "You must miss them being so far away."

 

I smiled. "I do. A lot. But we Skype all the time and they fill me in on the gossip and...." My mind trailed off for a moment as I heard it, that faint noise of a ring tone. A huge smile appeared on Jeremy's face, like a kid on Christmas. "YES!" He looked around, trying to find the source of the sound.

 

"Can you...”

 

I looked around too, the noise sounding closer than I thought. My head tilted back. So he had left it in the dressing room after all. I instinctively followed him inside as he made one last attempt to locate the noise. There wasn't much left in the room, just a few empty clothes rails and a small table where the boxes of shoes had been. I watched as he bent down, something catching his eye.

 

"Gotcha!” I smiled as he clutched his cell in his hand whilst still holding mine.

 

"Can I have mine back now?" I asked. Jeremy looked at both phones, both the same make and model but slightly different in back colours.

 

"Why? Do you need it?" He asked. "Or is there something on here you don't want me to see?"

 

I shook my head, trying to shake it off. Not wanting to fall into another trap. "It's getting late and I should get home."

 

Jeremy's eyes widened like a little kid discovering a secret. Looking down at my phone, flicking through the home screen. "You got a secret boyfriend Janey, is that why you don't want me to see your phone or is it because I might see something you don't want me to see?"

 

I shook my head more furiously this time, becoming agitated. I remembered when my brother used to tease me when we were kids. Only this was more annoying.

 

"Just give it back Renner!" Suddenly I stopped. The look on his face giving me the serious chills. Did I just say that out loud? I'd heard Astrid say it earlier in the day.

 

"Oh," his lips pursed, making an O shape.

 

God, if I thought this day couldn't get any worse. I'd talked back to one of Astrid’s clients. She was definitely going to fire me this time.

 

"Now that's the girl I've been waiting to see!" he said.

 

I was even more confused. Maybe cause I was light headed and hardly eaten all day.

 

"I like you Janey, when you left earlier I asked Astrid about you. You know she's very protective of you! She wouldn't even give me your number!" This was not happening.

 

"No no no," I said, shaking my head, trying to find somewhere to sit.

 

"You. She told you didn’t she, she told you I was a fan and this is her getting me back for this afternoon."

 

Jeremy moved a little closer, leaning in, giving me that smile again.

 

"I don't think it was much of a secret! I told you I like you. The way you stood up for yourself today against Astrid and those stylists. And you have real talent!"

 

I slumped back against the desk, my mind racing.

 

"She showed you my notebook? She promised she wouldn't let anyone touch it. Oh god. I don't normally write like that, it's just a way of expressing my self in a way that doesn't happen very often."

 

The smirk on his face grew wider, as he turned to look at me over his shoulder. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! My mind was screaming. I was mortified.

 

"Is that why you did what you did earlier?" He asked, turning completely around and moving in on me. I didn't want to look at him but who was I to resist those eyes and that smile that always made me want to drop my panties. I was doing everything I could not to let out a little noise that would surely be the most embarrassing little noise ever to pass someone's lips. I made the stupid mistake of looking at his lips, those perfect lips as he gently licked the top. I could feel my heart begin to race again and that heat between my legs rise.

 

The clink of something hard hitting the table brought me back from my reverie and I looked down to see Jeremy place both phones on the table.

 

"What about you, you, you had me pinned against the table!”

 

“I did," Jeremy's eyes looked me up and down, pushing me back against the table. "Do you remember where my hand was?"

 

I blinked again, just as I'd done earlier. My brain hoping that by some fluke that this was not another dream or a joke. That this was actually happening, Jeremy Renner was actually flirting with me. I nodded slowly, my legs beginning to shake as I felt his hand on my body again and move under my shirt. I grabbed hold of it quickly, almost pushing it away.

 

"I..." Was all I could manage to mumble.

 

"You don't want me to do this," Jeremy asked as he moved his hand back under my shirt, his fingers connecting with my skin, sending a shudder through my entire body. My body tingling as though I had been briefly electrocuted. His finger tips began moving down slowly.

 

"This is... This is a joke right?' I asked in between soft moans and heavy breathing.

 

Jeremy shook his head. "No Momma. No joke. I want you!" His voice was husky as he licked his lips.

 

Hearing him say Momma made me literally melt to the spot. My mind was still trying to rationalise what was going on. Trying to come to terms with the fact that here I was, standing in front of not only an amazing actor but the hottest, sexiest man ever created. I knew I had to stop thinking of it as me fan, him actor and all round sex God. But me woman, him man! I had needs and urges and it had been a long time since I felt the urge and the need.

 

"I.... This is just,"

 

"Janey, just stop talking," Jeremy said, as he pressed his body closer.

 

I breathed out hard as I felt something harder pressed against me. Then the touch of his lips, soft at first then as he kissed me harder as his hands descending around my waist, pulling me closer to his hips. The kiss was harsh as if he was punishing me for talking. I responded as I should, kissing him back, my mouth making little involuntary noises as it deepened and I loosened up. It was as though Jeremy had sucked all the breath out of my body as we kissed passionately for at least a minute. His hands all over me, bringing one to cradle the side of my head, his fingers playing with my hair. Jeremy pulled back, allowing us both to breathe for a moment.

 

"You have a very warm hand!" I whispered under my breath. Realising that this may not be the time to quote lines from one of his movies.

 

He didn't say a word, just pulling me closer for another kiss, determined that I was never going to be able to breathe again. I watched as he pressed his finger against my lip, my mouth accepting it willingly. The heat between my legs now raging like a forest fire. I wanted him so bad.

 

Jeremy let his finger slide in and out of my mouth several times, letting me suck on it eagerly. His eyes widening and that cheeky grin still present. His finger stayed in my mouth, my tongue running along it, Jeremy's other hand moved under my skirt, pushing it up around my waist. Trailing a finger along my wet panties. I pulled back, feeling his finger.

 

"Fuck!" I said. "Fuck!"

 

Jeremy looked at me with those wide eyes again as he moved, to his knees. I shook my head, not that I didn't want him to do what he was about to do but because I couldn't believe he was about to do it. I bit my lip as he stood on his knees, looking up at me. His fingers grazing the inside of my thighs.

 

"You want this, Momma?"

 

I nodded furiously. "Yes. Fuck yes!" My hands gripping the side of the table, preparing myself. Feeling his fingers tucked in the straps of my panties, glad that I wasn't wearing my big girl underwear and this wasn't wash day. He ripped them down quickly.

 

I screwed my eyes shut, knowing that he was looking at my body, my not so perfect, non bikini model body. I didn't even want to look at him whilst he was down there.

 

"Eyes on me, momma," Jeremy said.

 

Forcing me to open my eyes and look down. My legs slightly apart and that sexy man between them. I gripped the table harder as he lifted me up so I was sitting on the table.

 

Jeremy stood up, grinning at me. I laughed out loud as I realise that his panty dropping grin had actually made me drop my panties.

 

"Am I gonna do all the work here myself?" he asked, a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

 

I shook my head. I didn't know if I was supposed to touch him or not. How far was I actually supposed to go, even though he had initiated it first! My grip on the table loosened as I gripped hold of his waistcoat, shaking my head at the sight of the two unbuttoned buttons.

 

"You need a serious lesson in dressing yourself, Renner!" I said. I'd always wanted to say that.

 

"Start with the undressing first!" he whispered. I know I wasn't going to be invited to do this twice so I began popping open the remaining buttons, pushing it over his shoulders. My fingers now paying attention to his shirt. A crisp white shirt that always turned me into a gibbering wreck of a fan girl. I popped open several buttons as Jeremy's hands didn't remain idle, running his hands up and down my thighs, stopping as he reached the apex. Seemingly enjoying watching me so close to screaming at him to fuck me! I still wasn't sure how far he wanted me to go. I kept thinking of all the conventions I'd been to over the years, the organisers strictly telling you not to touch the talent! I stopped, looking up at him, so full of need and want but unsure.

 

"Don't stop!"

 

As my hand reached the last top button, I let it run up his chest. I smiled to myself at seeing that small patch of chest chair. Sometimes in movies it was there and sometimes it wasn't. I think I must have silently prayed for it to be there. A mini fist pump happening in my mind.

 

Jeremy wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer as my hand descending back down his chest. My own chest pounding as it got nearer the belt on his trousers. On instinct my hand moved past it, gently caressing the bulge. I felt another shiver run down my spine. Never did I imagine I would be touching Jeremy Renner's erect cock! I was surely going to hell.

 

"Mmmm Janey! Don't stop!" I bit my lip as I was pulled even closer, my legs wrapping around his waist, feeling that cock so close to where I desperately wanted him to be. I quickly unbuckled the belt, popping open the clasps, pulling it from around him. Then popping off the two buttons, gently guiding the zipper down. For the first time I made eye contact on purpose as my hand slipped inside. Seeing the relief on his face. I wasn't a prude and no virgin, I knew what men wanted, especially men like Jeremy. I tried not to look down but I couldn't help myself. It was like one of those jack in the box toys I had when I was a kid, as his cock sprung free from inside his trousers. Jeremy pulled me closer as he kissed me harder than before, his hands all over me. Those hands, fuck, those hands were all over me! Those fingers. I wanted those fingers inside me again, not just my mouth.

 

I grabbed hold of one of his hands, pushing it down between my legs, slowly, letting it touch every inch of skin before it made contact with my wetness. I kissed him hard as his two fingers grazed the entrance of my pussy, teasing me purposely. I repaid him in kind by reaching out and grabbing his hard cock, teasing the head with my thumb.

 

"Fuck!" I screamed as two long, thick fingers penetrated me, all the way as far as they could, without even letting me get used to them first. Feeling his thumb pressed against my clit. I knew it wasn't going to take him long to make me cum. I slid my hand down his shaft, feeling the pre cum on my fingers. We seemingly moved in the same motion as he kept sliding those fingers in and out and my fingers sliding up and down his cock.

 

"Fuck! I'm gonna cum," I screamed, not being able to help myself. I watched him intently as he removed his fingers, stopping for a moment to lick them. I wanted to cry, physically cry. What the fuck was he doing?

 

"Not so fast," I saw one hand slip into his trouser pocket, pulling out a condom. In all of the excitement and heat I'd forgotten. I remember someone telling me once that he never normally went equipped. Liars! I took it from him quickly, almost ripping the package open with my teeth. There was no denying now what I wanted. I wanted him inside me. I'd always wanted him inside me. Jeremy's eyes widened like saucers as I slid the condom over his cock with ease.

 

"Bout fucking time!" he hissed.

 

I couldn't hold back any longer, my hand still on his cock, guiding him. Not that he didn't know what he was doing. Jeremy gripping my arms and lifting me up from the table, then slamming me down hard. I screwed my eyes shut as he filled me, wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him. God I wanted that mouth to devour me completely. Of course I'd always imagined that this would be more romantic than it actually was and that it wasn't going to end as some quick fumble. Not at this moment I gave a fuck! Jeremy thrust his hips hard against me, practically lifting me up every single time.

 

"Yes! Fuck you feel so fucking good!" he roared.

 

I kissed him, playfully biting his lip. I was definitely losing the battle to hold on. I couldn't hold back any more.

 

"Fuck me!" I moaned. I pulled him closer, wrapping my legs even tighter around him, drawing him in deeper. Every single word written about his cock was right. My god! Jereconda was amazing. He began speeding up, thrusting harder, pinning my arms back against the table. I could feel his cocking throbbing inside me. I fell completely back on the table, watching as he pinned my legs against me, thrusting harder and faster. I'd never seen anything so sexy in all my life. Never seen him look so amazing.

 

"Yes! Fuck, fuckkkk!" I moaned, on the verge of cumming.

 

"That's it Janey, fucking cum for me," Jeremy was relentless as he continued thrusting, spreading my legs wide, gripping them, pulling me down the table. I could feel him deeper inside me, throbbing, hard, everything I had ever wanted! I looked up at him, hoping to god I wasn't dreaming and any second now I was going to wake up. Although usually in my dreams we never got this far.

 

He looked so sexy, slightly sweaty and his eyes dark with lust. I reached out my hand, lifting it up to caress the side of his head. No idea if I should have or not.

 

"I'm so close," I moaned. Jeremy moved one hand, licking his finger as he began playing with my clit, then his thumb. The amount of times I had fantasised about his hands, his fingers. To a non-fan they were slightly odd looking but to me and the millions of us who cared, they were perfection, long and thick, perfect for doing all kinds of naughty deeds.

 

I felt my the walls of my pussy begin to tighten. Nodding furiously, moaning, biting my lip.

 

"Mmmm that's it, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna...." I screwed my eyes shut for a moment, my whole body shaking. "Oh god... Fuckkkk yessss!" The table under us shook too, I was sure it was going to collapse.

 

"Fuck!" Jeremy roared as he thrust several times, securing his own orgasm.

 

"That was fucking amazing!" I managed to moan as I began to relax.

 

Jeremy lifted me off the table, pulling me in again for another heated kiss as we began to slow. Suddenly I felt empty as he pulled out. I pushed down my skirt and adjusted my top, watching as Jeremy picked up his shirt and waistcoat. I slid off the table moving a few steps away, not wanting to look back. Instead I looked in the floor for my panties, bending down to pick them up, slipping them back on as quickly as I could. I felt a hand grip my arm, spinning me around, Jeremy looking at me. Fuck he did look amazing in the afterglow of sex. Everything about him was sexy, even those chicken pox scars I could never take my eyes off.

 

"Take me home with you!" There was a smirk on his face that made me smile. "I haven't finished with you yet," he said.

 

I hadn't expected that. Maybe a kiss on the cheek, saying he'd call, knowing he never would. But I didn't expect him to want to want to continue the evening. Jeremy practically dragged me down to the stairs to his car, even making sure there wasn't anyone around. I didn't know if that was to protect me or him. Not that I minded. I didn't want to be another "who the fuck is she?" on someone's blog. Luckily my apartment wasn't too far away and the drive didn't take long. It was dark and that made getting inside a lot more easy. We didn't say a word as we rode the three floors to my apartment. I was just thankful that my flatmate was on vacation in Las Vegas with her girlfriend and I had the place to myself for another 7 days. Not that I expected him to stay longer than seven minutes.

 

I opened the door and stepped inside, first. I heard the door bang behind me, feeling Jeremy's arms around my waist, pulling me back against him.

 

"Where's the bedroom?" he asked, kissing the back of my neck. A sensation I still was not used too.

 

I stopped for a moment. Fuck. He wanted to see my bedroom, suddenly realising what I had on my wall. I turned around quickly, shaking my head.

 

"I.. Just have to do something.. I'll be right back!" I said as I sped quickly towards my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

 

"It doesn't matter if it's a bit messy," Jeremy shouted, then laughing.

 

I looked around, the Hawkeye poster the first to be taken down, then the signed photo a friend had gotten me from a con a year or so ago, which even had my name on. Not that I would expect him to remember signing such a boring name. I picked them both up, along with some dirty laundry I'd forgotten to pick up, shoving them all in my wardrobe. Taking a step back, I looked around the room. Nothing out of the ordinary sticking out, random family and friend photographs. Then turning them around. It was silly but I didn't want them seeing what was about to happen, even though they were just photographs. I walked back towards the door, opening it. Jeremy was still standing by the door, having taken off his suit jacket and waistcoat.

 

"You ready Momma?" he asked.

 

I smiled, nodding my head, trying not to look too desperate. He began walking towards me, with that cocky grin again. I stepped back as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him.......

 

 

I woke up an hour or so later, my body still tingling. My eyes turned to the sleeping man next to me. I was sure he would have woken by now and left whilst I was asleep. Never expecting this to be any more than what it was, a one night stand! Which is more than I had imagined in my wildest imagination and my imagination was pretty wild. I looked down at him, naked with my sheet wrapped around the lower half of his body. Jeremy had his back to me, that sexy back that I had made my self familiar with during the last few hours and those arms. The taut, tight muscular arms that had pinned me on the bed, sliding his hands down my thighs, spreading my legs. I'd never had sex like it. It wasn't just mind-blowing it was mind-blowing, body shaking, back breaking, hot, sweaty sex. Every position, every way I had ever imagined. Half of my brain conscious of the fact that he was seeing me completely naked, in all my not so perfect form. At first I had been embarrassed, until we'd laid there kissing, whilst his hands completely roamed my body, all of me, telling me I was perfect the way I was. It was then it got a little wild.

 

I slipped out of the left hand side of the bed, leaving Jeremy to sleep. I wasn't even sure what I was supposed to do next! I looked around for something to put on, my clothes nowhere to be found. I saw his shirt on the floor, calling out to me. Wanting to bathe in his scent a little longer before he left and I wouldn't see him again. I bent down, instinctively picking it up and smelling it. Chanel! But to me now, it wasn’t Chanel it was Jeremy. I placed it on the edge of the bed, deciding not to wear it and instead searching through my closet to find a t shirt. I sat on the edge of the bed, with my legs underneath me, pulling out my laptop from under my bed. Might as well see if I had any emails. My eyes seemingly drawn away from my in-box to a folder I hadn't used in such a long time.

 

My unfinished works or works in progress or stuff I didn't want to deal with. Opening the folder I looked down at the stories I'd planned on writing, a few I thought were pretty good. One in particular I had started writing when I was in my teens, wanting desperately to reinvent it and make it fresher but without much success. I read the first few paragraphs, slightly distracted by the sexy sleeping man next to me as he began to move and twitch in his sleep. Even in his sleep he was adorable. I got half way through and began deleting paragraph after paragraph, beginning to rewrite chunks I hadn't even looked at in months. I consciously began typing quietly as it just began to flow out of me. Knowing where I had gone wrong, that the male lead was too old to hold the attention of someone in their mid twenties. It may have sounded harsh but I knew where this was going now. Everything falling to place in my head. As though something had clicked.

 

I continued to write for as long as I could, not even realising Jeremy was awake until I felt a hand on my back, then under my t shirt, followed by lips on my neck, resting his head on my shoulder.

 

"What are you doing Momma?" he asked.

 

"Working. I don't know what happened, my brain just exploded and it just..." I tilted my head, looking at Jeremy who was looking at the laptop screen and reading what I had wrote.

 

"That's really good, really good,"

 

I shook my head. I'd always had a hard time accepting any praise about my writing, from anyone.

 

"You think?" Jeremy nodded, running his hand under my shirt and up and down my back, making me moan and creating a new flush of wetness between my legs. I fell back against him, still with my fingers on the key board.

 

"You feel so good, Janey!" Jeremy said as he half read what I was writing and half holding my breasts in his hands.

 

"How long have you been sat here?" I looked at the clock on my laptop. "Two, three hours, I don't think I've stopped.

 

"You're really talented Janey! Why did you start writing this again?"

 

I just smiled at him. "I always had a vision in my head of who my ideal man would be to play him if by some crazy chance it was made into a movie. But i couldn't get it to work so I made a few changes!"

 

"I see!" He said, kissing my neck, moving down my arm, his hands still under my shirt. "Do you always picture me when you’re writing sex scenes?"

 

I nodded slowly, laughing. "So you'd say I'm your muse?" he asked. I closed the laptop lid and moved around, still smiling. "You've always been my muse!" I rested my hand on his bare chest, pushing him back down on the bed, straddling him between my thighs. "You wanna see how good my creative juices can be?' I asked.

 

Jeremy nodded furiously. "Fuck yeah."

 

He may be my muse and inspired me to actually work on something I had forgotten but it definitely was a gift that kept on giving.

 

By the time the sun actually came up I was exhausted, mentally and physically. The sheet was wrapped around me as I watched Jeremy finally slip out of the bed next to me, watching all the way as he slipped on his shirt. My mind was still racing, my body aching. This was the best 24 hours of my entire life.

 

"This is gonna sound really needy of me but.. Am I gonna see you again?" I didn't really want to ask but.. Why the hell not? It's not like I had anything to loose.

 

His head turned, sure as hell that cocky smile on his face as he buttoned his shirt. I didn't know if he found it amusing or horrifying. He turned around, pulling up his pants, searching for his shoes and socks. Taking a few steps towards me, leaning down, kissing the top of my head.

 

"You still have my number!" he whispered.

 

I looked up, remembering I that he'd used my phone to call his. I lay in my bed, just watching as Jeremy left. Hearing the door shut, I bolted out of the bed, running into the other room, searching for my jacket, looking for my phone, hoping that he hadn't been lying. I gripped it in my hand, scrolling through the recent call list. There it was, the last dialled number. Hitting the call button, I waited. Hearing Jeremy's voice on the other end.

 

"Hello!"

 

"Now you have mine!" I said, quickly, hanging up.

 

So that was that! I walked back into my room, still clutching my phone. Dared I hope that he would eventually call? Whenever and if he called, I was determined to finish what I had started, not just in the bedroom but what I had started writing. Jeremy would always be my muse and maybe I could offer something in return.


	2. Keeping Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the next day. What will happen next?

Keeping Secrets

 

After Jeremy left, I went back to bed, still in a daze over what had happened. Smelling him on my sheets as I lay there. Not in some overly romantic gesture but just out of tiredness and laziness. Thankful that Astrid had given me the day off, not being able to face her after the night I'd had. It had been a few months since I'd had a spare day to myself. I didn't want to spend it mooning all day over Jeremy, however I did check his Twitter a couple of times as I got a notification that I had a new follower. Not that it was my account it was a secondary account to Astrid's Twitter that I helped run. Sometimes using it myself to keep in contact with clients. 

I forced myself to make breakfast, not wanting to venture out into the day light just yet. Whatever had happened last night and what if anything it would lead too it had made me happy. After all the crap I'd had to put up with since moving to LA, especially the weight remarks. To have someone take an interest in me for who I was and not for what I looked like was incredible. 

As a woman and a fan I'd always had this perfect ideal of what Jeremy was like in my head but knowing that he wasn't. He was a man after all who most of the time probably thought with his dick. But everyone had seen a different side of him since having a kid. It was the most adorable thing in the world to see. I felt a little bad, not thinking about his kid at all over the last 20 hours or so. How awful was that? Maybe I just wanted to put her to the back of my mind and just enjoy being in the company of a smart, funny, sexy man who genuinely seemed to like me. After I'd gotten past the fact that he was Jeremy Renner, actor and now father. 

After breakfast, I tidied my room, changing the sheets and putting my photographs back where they belonged! Wanting to get back to my normal life. If you could say living in LA was a normal life. It had been anything but normal since I'd moved here. But it was good to have some kind of routine, doing day to day stuff. Next on my list had been calling my parents, always calling them the same time every week. I missed them a lot when I was having a shit week or Astrid had been particularly annoying. Luckily this week, so far hadn't been too bad and had been quite surprising. Not that I was going to tell them that. Last thing I wanted was my father quizzing me about the man I'd just slept with! How embarrassing would that be! But I didn't tell them what had happened. I don't think they would understand, especially being a fan of Jeremy's. They might have thought I'd stalked him and tied him to my bed. 

My Mom cried as usual, in between sobbing and asking if I was eating properly and if I'd met a nice boy yet? She didn't want me to become one of this skinny bitches she'd seen on the reality shows that she secretly watched and didn't want me to know she watched. I was filled in all the family gossip, which there wasn't much of. I seemed to still be the biggest topic of conversation. Moving to the US to find fame or just to get rich. They weren't really sure! My Mom made me promise, again, that I would call more than once a week. She worried about me being on my own, spending my nights in my apartment watching TV. Which wasn't too dissimilar from what I did back home. Only this time the weather was warmer and the teeth brighter. 

It was at least 2 pm before I had a chance to take a shower. My mind wandering to Jeremy as I washed myself. Remembering how good his hands felt on my body. Those hands had plagued my dreams for years. Every female fan and possible male fan adoring those big veiny hands and those long fingers.  Just staring at them could make me cum, not to mention what those fingers did to me! I don't think I've ever been so turned on in my life. Jeremy always had that effect on my but.. In person, in the actual flesh, actually touching him, being touched by him was just orgasmic. That was the only thing for it, orgasmic! My Fangirl brain had gone into over drive. Trying not to giggle or make any stupid comments. Especially whilst touching him. 

When we'd got back to my place and that door had closed behind me, I admit that I didn't know what was going to happen. At one point I actually asked permission to to take off his trousers. Not because I was inexperienced but I didn't know how in control he wanted to be. Jeremy loved being in control and loved it even more, the more forceful and relaxed I became and the more I let go.

I got dressed, looking in my draws, smiling to myself as I pulled out my favourite Hawkeye t shirt that I'd worn the last Comic Con in the UK. My dream for this year was definitely to go to SDCC and I was on the list for tickets. It was so exciting to that email saying I had tickets. My friends were coming over to, the first time I would have seen them in person in a year, not including Skype and FaceTime. 

I debated for a few seconds whether or not to wear it, opting for a more casual Marvel shirt and pulling out some jeans. I wasn't planning on going anywhere or seeing anyone, walking around the flat in my socks. 

I picked up my laptop from off the bed and my phone in my hand, taking it in the kitchen, setting it down on the counter, placing my phone next to it. I hadn't checked it for a few hours and switched it on, just in case Astrid wanted me back in the studio. 

I turned my back, letting my phone boot up, pouring myself a glass of water from the fridge. My phone began to buzz after message, after notification appeared on the lock screen. Just the usual Twitter and Facebook updates. I wasn't expecting Jeremy to text or call or anything. Last night was good and amazing but I just wasn't going to be one of those hanger on bimbos, posting pictures of us on Instagram and posting cryptic tweets. I wasn't those needy girls who wanted her name associated with someone famous to enhance her career. True, I was starting out but I'd rather go on talent than name association. I was good at my job, well Astrid hadn't fired me, yet. 

But there it was, a simple text message. No name, just the number and a message. "Last night was amazing. We need to do that again really soon. I'll call you!" 

Yeah, like that was ever going to happen.

I shook my head and locked my phone. So he'd texted me. It wasn't such a big deal. I had my life and he had his. 

I tore my eyes away from my phone, watching as my laptop booted up. I couldn't escape him, could I. There he was on my wallpaper and practically on every other device I owned. Except for my phone, I managed to change that without him realising. 

I opened up the fiction file I'd created earlier that morning when I'd been sat between Jeremy's legs, happily typing away. The words began flowing from me like a water from a tap. I hadn't had such a long writing spree in such a long time, especially for something I thought was never going to get finished. But since my amazingly mind blowing sex it had fallen into place. Now knowing what the female character wanted and needed! Maybe, just like I did now.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening, writing. Stopping occasionally for a pee break and something to eat. Snacks were very important whilst writing. My snack of choice were always Pringles, high in fat yes but when I popped, I couldn't stop! Just like writing. When it was good, I couldn't and didn't want to stop. By the time I'd finished I was at least half way through. 

I heard weird rumblings in my stomach, needing proper food and not just snacks. There was a cute little restaurant down the street that I went from time to time that would satisfy me at least till breakfast. I picked up my phone and my coat that was still hung by the door. LA was warm but at night could get a little chilly.

I made my way down the street, hoping that the restaurant had a table available or it would be take out again. Rubbing my eyes as I stepped out onto the street, not realising how tired I still felt. I felt my phone vibrate in my hand as I received a Twitter update from Renner. Nothing overly as cryptic as his usual ones but one at least that made me smile. 

"From one fun night to another. Enjoying life with friends." #lastnightwasfun #moreplease 

If I didn't know what that tweet was about, as a fan it would have driven me crazy! I stared at my phone as I began receiving notifications from groups I belonged too, thinking that for the time being that I should turn them off, just for a while.

I walked down the street towards the restaurant, looking in the window to see if there were any tables. They looked really busy. So I decided to get take away instead. This place was definitely an undiscovered gem. I went in one day after looking at the flat and fell in love with the place. I was missing home a lot by then and was craving fish and chips and the manger took pity on me and got the chef to cook me some fish balls to order, which were lightly fried with chunky chips. To me, the chips were the best I'd ever tasted. Now every time I went in I always have the same. 

I hugged the take out bag, smelling the fish and chips. Thankfully my Mom had sent over some proper vinegar in her last parcel from home. It smelt delicious as always. I couldn't wait to eat, practically nibbling on my napkin as I waited for it to be ready. Taking a slow walk back to my place. It was a lovely LA evening and I could use the fresh air as I hadn't been out of my flat all day. The smell of the food followed me down the street back home. As I got nearer to the building, I stopped, noticing a posh car parked outside. I took a deep breath as I moved nearer, seeing a figure propped up against it. As I got closer it was easier to make out who it was by the street lighting. 

"Are you trying to get yourself noticed?" I asked, seeing Jeremy standing there in a grey t shirt, jeans and a leather jacket, looking totally hot. 

"Only by you!" He said.

Giving me that smile that would melt the coldest of hearts. I shook my head in frustration. 

"What are you doing here anyway?"

I moved closer smelling more than Chanel this time but whiskey or scotch, I could never tell the difference. Jeremy moved from the car, meeting me after a few steps. 

"Didn't you get my tweet?" he asked. 

"Yeah but I wasn't expecting to see you again for a while if ever!" 

Jeremy shook his head. "I told you I had a good time last night and I know for a fact that you did too!" He gave me that sideways smile and laughed. "Or were you faking it!" 

I grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the curb. "Are you crazy. What if someone hears. I don't want paparazzi on my doorstep. My mother would have a heart attack seeing me in the tabloids." 

"You didn't answer my question," he said. 

I could feel my face begin to burn as he moved closer or it could have been because of the burning hot food I was carrying. I swallowed hard as he brushed the hair from my face. Feeling his touch again sent a shiver down my spine. 

"I....I'm hungry," I said, moving from harms way and turning towards the door to my building. "You really want an invitation?"

I watched as Jeremy pulled out a baseball cap from inside his jacket pocket. I smiled, seeing it was a 49ers cap. One I'd seen him wear loads of times, usually at a game. But I hated American Football!

I moved slowly inside, leaving the door open for him. Jeremy following behind me as I called for the elevator and went inside. He stood next to me, staring at the bag I was carrying. 

"What have you go in there?" He asked, trying to peer inside.

"The restaurant down the street does the best fish and chips I've had since I've been in the US," I said, opening the bag to let him see inside. 

"Homesick?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No, just hungry!" I said as the elevator door opened. 

I opened the door slowly, letting Jeremy inside first, closing it behind me. I dropped the bag on the counter and took off my coat. Totally forgetting the Marcel t shirt I was wearing underneath. 

"That's cute!" Jeremy said as he propped himself up against the kitchen counter.

I looked down at my t shirt and smiled. Feeling more insecure than ever as I tried pulling it down over my waist, trying to cover myself up. Not that it mattered. He'd already seen me naked. But I still felt self conscious. 

"I wouldn't be a Marvel fan would I if I didn't have a t shirt!" I said as I ripped open the bag of food. Turning to take a plate out of a nearby cupboard. 

As I turned back I saw Jeremy take off his leather jacket, placing too over his arm. 

"Can I get you something? Coffee? Anything?" 

Jeremy shook his head. "I'm fine Momma but that food does smell delicious,"

His fingers reached over, taking out a chip out of the packet! I watched him lick his lips as the salt hit them. That was a sight I would never get tired of seeing. 

"Those are delicious!" he said, now licking his fingers.

I swear I was in hell again, now knowing exactly where those fingers had been during the previous night. 

"They're slightly thicker than fries!" I said, hating to use an American word. I was British and to me, they would always be chips.

Jeremy leant over the counter, looking at the fish, his mouth practically watering. I didn't want to share my food but if I had too. I couldn't think of anyone else I'd want to share with. It was like that meme when you get asked which 5 celebrities you'd want to have a dinner party with. My five answered were always, Jeremy Renner, Jeremy Renner, Jeremy Renner, Jeremy Renner and Jeremy Renner? 

I pulled open the bag open further. "No plate?" He asked.

I smiled, shaking my head. "I'm British, fish and chips needs to be eaten out of the packet!"

Jeremy nodded agreeing with me. "You're my kinda woman, Janey! Food straight out of the packet. You know would go great with these? Beer!"

The smile on my face widened as I turned back towards the refrigerator, pulling out 2 beers. Placing one bottle on the counter, I smacked down the top, the cap flying off onto the floor. I caught Jeremy's eye as he is it stared, speechless. Popping off another cap and handing him one bottle. 

"You're amazing. Do most British women drink beer?" 

I nodded. "I would think so. When I left after you did that Remy Martin campaign, a lot of my friends were drinking that," I said, taking a bite of fish.

"Did you?

"No. Beer is probably all I can tolerate, apart from Vodka." 

"Do you have any vodka?" 

I shook my head, wondering why he would ask me. "You think getting me drunk will make me want to sleep with you, again?"

There was the dreaded long pause before Jeremy answered. I didn't know how he could ask me that and I didn't need alcohol to want too. Jeremy stood up, straight, his face giving an expression I had not seen first hand before. That resting face. It was even more menacing in real life.

"Would it?" he asked, the smile returning.

"Not really," 

I returned the smile, eating another bite of fish.

"What would?" 

I looked up at him as I finished the last few bites. "Well, you not eating my food, for one."

Jeremy grinned, moving around the counter to where I was standing, pressing me back against it. "You don't like to share huh?" 

I shook my head slowly.   
"Not even with me?"

He gave me that puppy dog eyed look. I felt his arm around my waist as he pulled me close. Jeremy looked at me, all he had to do was look at me and I'd give him anything. Was he really hungry or trying to get me into bed again. 

"What if I promised to buy you dinner in return. After we build up an appetite!"

My smile widened. He was both hungry and horny. He reached behind me, taking another few chips from the packet and taking bite after bite. I saw traces of salt on his lips. Those perfect lips. For years I'd fantasised about those lips. On impulse I lent forward, kissing him, licking away the salt from his lips.

Jeremy's eyes widened in surprise as he kissed me back, gripping my hips and lifting me onto the counter, sliding his hands down my legs and he pulled off my boots one at a time.

"When's your house mate home?" He asked pulling back, now able to breathe.

"Not for six days." I said. The tone of my voice getting a little excited. 

I licked my lips, not only tasting the salt but the distinct trace of scotch he seemed to have drunk earlier. My mind was swimming again, caught up in the feel of his lips and his taste. But I rested my hand on his chest, feeling his heart racing, pushing him back slowly. 

"I don't want you to think that I do this with all Astrid's clients. I'm not like that. It's just that you.. You do things to me. And I'm not interested in any thing other than whatever this is. A bit of fun or whatever you know. I just wanted you to know." I knew I was rambling but I couldn't help it. 

Jeremy shook his head. "Fuck Janey you really do talk too much!" 

Gripping the back of my neck as he pounded my lips with his. I let my hands wander again, hooking my fingers against his belt and pulling him between my legs. I pulled up the shirt from his jeans, pulling it up over his head in between kisses. The belt came off quickly as I unbuttoned the two buttons on his jeans. 

My breathing became heavy as Jeremy returned the favour by pulling off my Marvel t shirt. Wishing I'd never worn my jeans. I sat on the counter in front of him in my bra grinning like an idiot as he pulled me off and began unzipping my jeans. I felt the palm of his hand against my panties, a finger tracing an outline. 

"Do I make you wet, Janey?" He asked.

I nodded furiously. By now he should have known that just one look from his would get me wet let alone all the kissing and touching. My fingers gripped the counter as his hand slipped inside my panties. Teasing me as his mouth and tongue did the same, moving from my mouth to my neck, nibbling on my ear. 

"Fuck." I moaned, feeling his hands beginning to slide the jeans down my thighs. 

I felt them drop to the floor, around my ankles, kicking them away quickly. Now I felt more self conscious standing there in my bra and matching panties. I soon realised that I hadn't managed to unzip Jeremy's jeans. 

He shook his head as he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up. His arms were so strong. I rested my head on his shoulder as he kicked open my bedroom door, throwing me down on the bed. I loved his smack down approach. 

I looked up at him, my heart pounding. Jeremy stood at the foot of the bed, grinning as he pulled me down. I always knew he'd be like this in bed, forceful and demanding. I slid down the bed, resting my foot on the bulge in his jeans, hard like a rock. I was ready for round 3 or was it 4 with Jereconda! 

I got to my knees, creeping up to him, reaching out to pop open the last button. Hearing the relief from his lips. As I went to reach in my hand, Jeremy stopped me. 

"Later." he said, placing his hands either side of my head, pulling me in for a long lingering kiss. 

His hands moved down my neck, slowly, following by his lips. "Turn around," he whispered. 

I turned around as quickly as I could, grinning as I felt his hand on my stomach, my body shuddering. Jeremy pulled me back against him as his mouth began to feast on my neck. I was on fire again. His fingers slipping between the straps of my bra as he gently slid them down my arms.   
My breathing became heavier as popped open the clasps, throwing my bra completely across the room. His hands caressing my breasts, a finger and thumb teasing my nipple. I felt the sudden flush of wetness in my panties, a raging heat as my clit throbbed, in desperate need of attention. 

My hands behind me, needing to feel him. Only feeling his cock pressed against me. I'd never wanted anything so much in my life. This was not some fan girl fantasy any longer. This was reality!

I felt Jeremy's hand on my back, forcing me down on the bed. Running it from my neck down my spine to the curve of my back. 

"Mmmm beautiful," I heard him whisper. 

I was on all fours, what I thought was the downward dog position in yoga. I could feel the heat from his body close to mine. Hearing the rustling of the rest of his jeans coming off. 

I fell on the bed, my back beginning to ache at being in one position. I felt awkward, crossing my arms against my chest. Jeremy crept up against me, towering over me, shaking his head. 

"No Momma, don't cover yourself up. You're beautiful!" 

He took hold of my arms, lifting them up over my head, pressing them down on the bed. I held my breath as he kissed me, his tongue teasing my lips, forcing them to part. The kiss was deep. The fun, cute kisses from earlier now replaced by something more passionate. 

His hands released my arms and slowly moved down my stomach, making me shudder again. Was his touch always going make me feel like that every single damned time? It was something I didn't want to get used to. 

"Wait, wait, stop!" I said, pulling away from those lips. "Are you sure you want this, again. With me I'm just..."

Jeremy pulled back, biting his lip. "What?" 

"I just want to make sure I'm not dreaming or this is some fantasy I've got going on in my head!" 

Jeremy smiled, moving his hand down between my legs. "Tell me Janey... Does this feel real to you?"

His fingers slipped inside my panties, his thumb pressed against my clit. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of me, pounding my lips against his. My fingers gripped his hair, running through them frantically. The nights I'd dreamt about running my fingers through his hair could fill up a book themselves. It felt as soft as I had imagined. 

Jeremy moved from my lips again. I moaned in annoyance as he pulled himself up, removing his hand from inside my panties. Now planting kissing on my neck then shoulder. My eyes widened, almost popping out of my head as he began paying attention to my breasts, flicking his tongue over my hardened nipple. 

"Fuck!" I moaned, cursing loudly into my room. 

His mouth enveloping my tit as he continued his it's fixation with my nipple. Jeremy's spare hand wasn't idle either, playing with my other breasts, making sure my nipples were painfully hard. I could feel my panties flush with wetness, sure that I was dripping down my thighs. No one had ever turned me on so much! 

"Oh god. Yes, don't stop,"

Finally his mouth released my nipple and he looked up. That devilish grin on his face. Jeremy pulled himself up off and began moving down the bed. His fingers hooking the straps of my panties. I bit my lip slowly, nodding furiously. 

"Yes, yes please!" I begged, my voice hoarse with need. 

I wanted him between my thighs. Those perfect fingers inside me again! Feeling them graze the inside of my thigh as he slowly pulled them down. I could hear his lips making noises, watching as my panties flew across the room.

"No need for those Momma, not when I'm around," 

"You could make my panties explode at a million paces!" I giggled and feeling 100% embarrassed. 

Jeremy smiled, pulling himself up against me and kissing my lips softly. "You're too adorable," He whispered. 

He moved from my lips, kissing down my neck, collar bone, breasts and stomachs. My body rising to meet with his lips at every touch. I could feel him nearing my centre. In a desperate need to move him down, my fingers gripped his hair, slowly encouraging Jeremy to kiss where I needed to be kissed. 

Using both hands, running them down my thighs, parting them quickly. Taking a moment to kiss the soft skin between my legs, making me moan in pleasure. 

Those fingers were first, moving slowly up and down my wet lips, playing in the wetness that he had created. I looked down, seeing him licking his long, thick digits. 

"Mmm tastes good." He whispered, going back for a second helping. 

I gripped the sheet with my fingers in a desperate attempt not to scream. Part of me just wanting to let it out. 

Jeremy began kissing nearer my pussy. Feeling the flat of his tongue licking my delicate folds. His tongue always excited me. Every picture I had seen him sticking it out would make me wet in an instant. Last night he had used his talented fingers and cock to make me cum but tonight I was treated to every Fangirls Dream, the Renner tongue. 

I grabbed hold of the sheet and began pounding the bed. 

"Oh fuck that's it. Oh my god!" I moaned. 

I felt the tip of his tongue against my clit, sending spasms of pleasure up and down my body. I let the sheet go, gripping his hair with my fingers again, forcing him deeper. 

Jeremy began flicking back and forth between my clit and the entrance to my pussy. My heart was pounding as he started to tease me with a finger whilst his other hand played with my breast. I always knew he was good at multi tasking but this...This was off the charts! 

He looked up at me, licking his lips before going back for more. 

I bit my lip as Jeremy moved his other hand to my mouth, letting me suck on his fingers. I loved every part of him in my mouth just as it seemed Jeremy like having me in his.

His mouth began vibrating against my clit as his tongue probed me further. I gripped his hair tighter as I felt my the walls of my pussy begin to tighten. I felt the heat radiating throughout my body. My hips rising to meet with his mouth. 

"Make me cum," I moaned. 

Suddenly I felt full as two fingers penetrated my centre with that tongue still playing with my clit.

"Of fuck that's it!" My moans of need becoming louder. "Don't stop!" 

"Don't plan on it!"

Jeremy looked up at me, his face full of pride. 

He pumped my pussy slow and deep, maintaining a rhythm. Those fingers deep inside, stretching me as he added another.

"Fuck!"

I knew I had to get used to it, knowing what would be inside me next.

He removed his fingers as he still nibbled on my pussy. I was coming. I screwed my eyes shut, pounding on the bed as the pleasure over took my body. Shaking uncontrollably, chest pounding, pussy spasming. 

"Fuccckkkk," I cried. 

Jeremy pulled himself up, sitting back on his knees. "Damn! I've been waiting to do that all day!" He said, licking me off his lips and fingers. 

I lay there for a little while, looking up at him. Finally managing to pull my self up. My hands reaching out, grabbing at his boxers, trying to push them down. Jeremy smiled at me, helping me out a little. 

I grabbed his cock quickly, teasing the head with my fingers. It was already slick with pre cum that I knew it wouldn't take long to bring him all the way. 

"Fuck Janey, that's good!" 

I stopped for a moment, scrambling across the bed to my dresser, pulling out a box of condoms then returned to my position. I let my fingers slide over his cock, sliding it up and down. Hearing the moans of pleasure escaping Jeremy's lips. 

"Fuck Janey do it now," he moaned.

I ripped open the package quickly sliding it over his cock. I knew it wouldn't fit that perfect specimen of manhood but it covered what it needed. 

Jeremy grabbed my hips, lifting me up and slowly lowering me on his cock.

A deep groan escaped my throat as I got used to being full again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. I moaned even deeper as I tasted myself, running my tongue against his lips. 

His hands moved down my back, grabbing my ass as he began moving me, matching his own rhythm. I ground my hips against him, forcing him deeper. 

"You feel so fucking good!" he groaned, moving his hands from my back to let his fingers play in my hair, cupping my face and pulling me in for a kiss. 

I let me arms far away from his neck, moving them behind my back, resting my hands on the bed. I groaned harder as I felt his cock throbbing, both of us in the edge. I needed leverage, needing to find my own rhythm. My hips thrusting as hard as I could. Desperate to cum. 

"That's it Janey, just like that. Come on!" 

I felt his hand on my back again as he moved, lifting me up off the bed and laying me back down, spreading my legs wide. Feeling his cock all the way inside me.

I looked up at him, my brain still not comprehending what had happened over the past twenty four hours. 

Jeremy ran his hands down my legs as he began to thrust harder and faster. I could see the muscles in his shoulders tighten with every movement. My body began to ache as he gripped my hips, pounding me over and over again. 

His face began to tense and and I could feel the heat inside me begin to rise again. I nodded furiously.

"Mmm fuck, that's it. I'm gonna cum."

Jeremy changed his position as my screams of pleasure filled the bedroom, my pussy clenching around his cock. He lay on top of me, cradling my head in his hands, kissing me softly and he thrusted a few more times, shouting out his own orgasm. 

He kissed me long and deep, still holding my head. "Mmmm that was so amazing!" 

I nodded slowly, enjoying the weight of him on top of me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, trailing my hands down his back. Our bodies finally stopped shaking, realising that he was still inside me for the moment. 

Jeremy fell back on the bed, exposing himself again. 

"You really are something, Janey!" he said. 

I could see the sweat pouring down his forehead, looking so sexy. 

He pulled himself up off the bed, searching for his boxers, then his trousers. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I knew it was just going to be a bit of fun but I thought he would have at least waited more than 2 minutes. 

Jeremy rummaged through his trousers, pulling out a packet of cigarettes. "Do you mind?" He asked, offering one, sitting back on the edge of the bed.

I shook my head. Even though I was against him smoking and it was a filthy habit, he looked so hot sat there in his boxers with a cigarette between his fingers. 

I smiled not really knowing what to do. He definitely wasn't one for cuddling, which left me a little disappointment. I watched as Jeremy sat back against the headboard, the cigarette still between his fingers, taking slow drags and filling my bedroom with smoke.

I stood up, pulling the sheet around me, looking back and seeing Jeremy grinning at me. 

"What?" I asked.

"You. Trying to hide yourself away. You don't need to do that. Don't hide yourself away from me Janey," he said, patting down his side of the bed.

I sighed heavily, giving in, scrambling across the bed, perching myself against the bed next to him on the side I usually slept on. 

"That's better." He said, moving his hand up my leg. The touch of his hand making me shiver again.   
I looked around the room, the floor littered with our discarded clothes. 

"This is becoming a habit." I said. "Two nights in a row. I might start to think you like me or something!" I knew what I said sounded stupid. 

Jeremy took a few more drags of his cigarette, turning to look at me.

"I do like you Janey. I told you yesterday,"

"But that was yesterday,"

I knew where this conversation was going. The whole is this sex or something more talk.  I wanted it to be something more but knowing Jeremy wasn't the relationship type. Well at least not for a while and not considering what happened to the last one. The one me and my friends swore never to mention.

"And I still like you today." Jeremy said, trying to find somewhere to out out his cigarette. "And tomorrow too." 

I reached across to my dresser picking up a plate I'd used for breakfast, letting him stamp out his cigarette.

"So this is a casual thing?" I said. Making mistake no 2. "Just sex?"

Jeremy stamped out his cigarette, resting the plate next to him. 

"Something you can boast to your friend about?"

The tone of his voice rose, becoming harsher. I could tell her was angry with me.

"You really think I'm one of those talent-less bimbo models you've dated. Posting secret tweets and pictures on Instagram that anyone with half a brain could decipher. Getting into conversations with my friends on Twitter, having all of your fans hate me? I'm not like that."

I was seriously pissed off. Pulling myself off the bed, not caring if the sheet was left behind. My whole body was shaking

"You don't know me Renner just like I really don't know you!" 

I headed towards the bathroom slamming it behind me. I stood for a few minutes before turning on the shower. Hearing Jeremy moving around in the other room. Probably picking up his clothes and getting ready to leave. He didn't know me or what I was thinking about this. But the question had to be asked. I couldn't blame him completely. After all the shit he had been through hoe was he supposed to know what I would do. Maybe he was protecting himself. But it didn't hurt any less. 

I stood under the shower not knowing what happened next. Knowing that he was gone and it was the end of whatever it was between us. I stood there, letting the after pour over me wondering how I would explain this to my friends. Would they really believe me? There hadn't been any excited tweets telling everyone that I'd met Jeremy Renner and no selfie. Maybe I would leave it for a while, letting myself enjoy being in his company. I'd seen it before, the stupid bimbo posting tweets and pictures. Fans weren't stupid. I didn't want to be that girl and I didn't want fans and my friends to hate me.

I dried myself off, putting on my robe that hung on the back of the bathroom door, creeping back into my room. Seeing the now vacant bed. I was an idiot! Why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut.  
I heard noises coming from the rest of the apartment. Wondering for a moment of my room mate had come home early from Las Vegas. I opened the door quickly seeing Jeremy in the kitchen in his boxers and shirts standing over the cooker. 

Jeremy turned slowly the harsh look on his face now replaced by that sweet smile. I took a few steps into the room, a little shocked to still see him.

"What?" Was all I could manage to stay.

"I'm sorry if I upset you Janey. He said, turning off the cooker, placing the food on a couple of plates. "You really didn't have much food in there. All I could find was eggs and some some peppers." 

I walked further into the kitchen, looking down at the scrambled eggs watching as Jeremy placed a fork next to it. 

"I am sorry Janey but you have to understand my point of view!"

I nodded. "I do, I do. But I'm not like that..."

I was about to say Renner before he interrupted me.

"Jeremy!"

"Jeremy?" I added with a smile. "I've seen those stupid girls making stupid comments and then been dumped. I wouldn't do that to you. I have more respect for you than that!" 

Jeremy smiled, pulling the strap on my robe and pulling me closer to him.

"I'm a complete idiot." 

I laughed, shaking my head. "No not a complete idiot." 

I was happy to see the smile on his face return, believing that he wouldn't want to see me again. 

"You are a cheeky one. I don't think I've dated anyone so cheeky!' 

My eyes widened and my lips broke into a smile but trying not to let it show. "So this is a dating kind of relationship then?" 

Jeremy nodded pulling open the strap on my robe. "I guess it is," 

I took a step back, making my robe close. I couldn't stop smiling. Just 48 hours ago I was watching Mission Impossible 4 and now I was in my kitchen half naked with William Brandt himself.

"But we need to make some ground rules."

Jeremy stood with his back account the counter, looking a little surprised. "Okay!" 

I watched him look at me as I made my list of demands. "No cutesy text messages. No sending flowers. We see each other when we can.  If your busy I won't fall apart if we don't see each other. If you don't want anyone to know about us then I won't tell my friends. Then this is what it is, fun." 

"Can I speak now?" He asked. "First, I don't do cutesy. My messages might be more... Explicit. And the flowers have probably lasted longer than those other relationships. I agree we see each other when we can. I have family commitments and they are more important to me than anyone and anything. This is fun, Janey but I hope it's going to be more than just fun." 

I couldn't believe what he was saying. He actually wanted to date me. Me, a kid from a small town in England who never dreamed anything like this could ever happen.

"And I will tell my friends about you, who's to say I haven't already." Jeremy pulled me closer again, running his fingers through my hair, pressing his lips against to mine.

I moaned softly, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Can you stay?" I asked finally parting for a breath. 

Jeremy nodded. He turned, picking up a plate then grabbing my hand, leading me back to the bedroom.

I literally couldn't stop smiling. I didn't know what was going to happen, if this was going to go anywhere. All I know is that meeting Jeremy had been the best thing to happen to me in a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days seemed like a blur. Seeing Jeremy every single day after I came home from work. One day he even stayed after I had fallen asleep after a long day with Astrid. I hadn't even written anything since that first night even though my brain was exploding with new ideas. I just hadn't had the time or energy to do anything about it. When I'd woken up the next morning Jeremy had made breakfast for me, leaving it on the dresser by the side of my bed! The sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. Not that he was actually there when I woke up. Leaving a note propped up against the tray. 

Work had been going well. Astrid seemed to have gone easy on me a little bit. Yesterday she told me there was something she needed to talk to me about. Something big that could have a big impact on my job. I was a little worried that she was definitely going to sack me for the way I behaved the week before. But she hadn't mentioned anything about it the day I went back, in fact she had been in a really good mood. Smiling and joking around with me which she hadn't done that much before. It was good to see her relaxed and happy but the cause of it made me wonder. 

I woke up earlier than I'd ever woken up on a work day. The sun blazing through the blinds in my room. My room mate Tammy and her girl friend had arrived back in the early hours and I hadn't been able to get back to sleep because of the noises coming from her room. Not that I should complain. Similar noises had come from my own room for the previous 5 days. Noises that would wake the dead and make dogs howl from miles away. My neighbours could be pretty nosey and I just hoped that they didn't tell Tammy about my gentleman caller. I didn't want to tell anyone yet. This was my secret but I knew I couldn't keep it a secret forever. 

It was a lovely Sunday morning. I had thought about taking my laptop and going out for brunch. But I could smell eggs and bacon cooking as I stepped out of the bathroom. I had thought that Tammy would have spent at least half of the day in bed. I know they'd only been to Las Vegas but I was sure they wouldn't get to bed till morning whilst they were away. 

I stepped out into the kitchen, the smell of breakfast filling my senses. I didn't realise how hungry I was. 

"That smells lovely," I said, stepping into the kitchen. 

Tammy looked up at me, smiling. "Morning. I've made extra if your hungry?" She asked.

Tammy was about the same age as me, working at the PR firm that handled Astrid, if anyone ever could. It was because of Astrid that I was living here and not still on some strangers sofa. Introducing me to Tammy. The apartment was close enough to work and the neighbourhood was quiet for LA. 

"I'm starving!" 

My head turned as I heard the bedroom door open behind me, seeing the fiancé Gabby standing behind me. 

"Did you have a man here whilst we were Away?" She asked. 

I sat on the stool nervously, almost falling off at one point. I shook my head slowly, trying to perfect the innocent look if had when I was a kid. "No. What makes you say that,"

Gabby smiled. "Well I'm sure I can smell men's cologne and the spare tooth brush has been used!" 

Tammy stared at me. I could feel her eyes burning into me. When I moved in we had an agreement that if I brought anyone back we'd discuss it first.

"I didn't think it would be a problem. You guys weren't here and he didn't stay all the time," 

I watched as Tammy moved around the counter, wrapping my arms around me, squealing in my ear. "JANEY GOT LAID!"

"About time too!" Gabby added as she sat on the counter top, her legs dangling over the sides. "So who was he?"

My eyes widened and I shook my head. There was no way I was telling these two. Tammy would tell her boss and she would then tell Astrid. I didn't want anyone to know.

"It's no one else's business!" I said, scooting off my stool and picking up my breakfast.

"Come on Janey, we won't tell!"

I shook my head again with a little smile appearing on my face. Nothing would have given me more pleasure than to tell them about my week. I knew they would understand but I still wasn't sure what this thing was between Jeremy and I. Sure the sex was amazing and he made me laugh and he said that he finds me like a breath of fresh air. But do I really want to spoil it by telling everyone.

"Sorry guys,"

Tammy looked at me, curiosity written all over her face.  
"Was it someone from work? That cute lighting guy you were telling me about?" she asked as she began eating her breakfast. 

"You can keep asking but i'm not going to tell you or anyone just yet."

Both of them smiled. looking at each other.

"Aww thats cute. I remember that feeling. First flush of love when it's all new and exciting."

I stopped what I was doing, realising what she had just said, making my heart sink a little.

"Who said anything about love. It's just sex. Amazing, mind blowing sex and he makes me laugh! 

"Sex and laughter, good combo," Gabby said, smirking at her girlfriend. "I know I always laugh when Tammy and I have sex!"

Tammy threw a piece of bacon at her in response, trying to hide the smile on her face. "Funny girl!" I heard her whisper under her breath.

"What can you tell us about his guy?" Tammy asked.

"What guy!" A woman's voice from behind us.

It was Astrid. I hadn't even the door open, wondering just how much she's heard. At least I hadn't told them the truth then I would have been sacked!

Tammy turned quickly seeing Astrid in the doorway. At times both of us forgot that she had a key in case of emergencies as she owned the apartment in the first place. But that didn't stop her from letting herself in every now and again.

She looked at us with a blank face, waiting for us to respond. "Which guy?" She asked again. 

"The guy my friend is seeing. It's all hush hush cause they work together!" I said, saying the first thing that came into my head. 

"Good recover!" Tammy whispered under her breath

I smiled. Hoping Astrid took my lie for truth! 

"Okay. Nothing to do with me!" 

"No, nothing, nothing at all. Anyway, what are you doing here? " I asked. "I thought I was meeting you at the studio?"

Astrid' smile beamed on her face. Something neither of us saw everyday, or even every year. She placed her bag down on the kitchen counter, sniffing the breakfast Tammy had made, turning her nose up at it. 

"I thought I'd surprise you. We have things to talk about," 

Her eyes wondered across the room staring at Tammy and Gabby who had begun feeding each other breakfast. 

"Okay, we get the point," Tammy said, walking across the room to pick up her coat. "We'll give you guys some space."

Astrid began rummaging through her bag. I picked up my breakfast and moved across the apartment to sit down. I was starving. Jeremy had been right. I did need to keep up my strength. Even though I didn't know when I'd see him again. But that was okay. He had other important things and people to think about. 

I rested my feet on a nearby coffee table as I ate my bacon and eggs. It did make me miss home a little, even though we hardly ever had a full English. I smiled to myself, my smutty mind finally kicking in. Realising that was what Jeremy had been having, a full English! 

I tried to out my smutty thoughts to the side as Astrid walked over, clutching her diary, sitting next to me a politely kicking my feet out of the way.

"You like working for me, don't you Janet?" She asked.

I could feel my hands begin to shake as my fork rattled against the plate. "Of course,"

"And your not afraid of hard work?" 

I didn't know if it was a question or a statement. I placed the plate on the table and turned to her. Not liking where this conversation was going. 

"Are you sacking me?" I asked, my voice shaking. Worried that my little lie earlier hadn't been the best and she knew all along about me an Jeremy.

Astrid shook her head. "Of course not. Why would you think that. After the other day I saw those pictures you took of Renner and you showed a lot of potential. Besides, I'm going to be needing all the help I can get."

I didn't know what she was talking about. "What's going on?"

She grabbed my hand, turning me to face her. 

"There's two things. I've been asked to produce an exhibit which is going to take a lot of time and energy and one of the studios wants me to shoot their cast in a before, during and after filming."

"This is amazing."

"It's going to take a lot of extra hours and maybe weekends. Good thing both of us have social lives." 

I smiled nervously. If only she knew! I didn't know if fraternising with clients was forbidden or just frowned on. I couldn't take the risk of her finding out. Of anyone finding out. 

I heard my phone ring in my bedroom.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Astrid asked.

"I'll be right back," 

I disappeared into my bedroom, searching for my phone, finding it on the dresser next to my laptop. I looked down at the screen seeing that it was another twitter update from Jeremy. I couldn't help by smile as I saw the picture of his kid. Those pics always made me smile, made the entire fandom smile. It was just so adorable. I picked it up and slipped it into my pocket. I'm no doubt that he'd probably tweet again. 

When I went back into the loving room, Astrid was looking through her work diary.

"Any important?" She asked.

I shook my head. "Just twitter," I said. "Do you want a drink or something?"

Astrid looked up, shaking her head. "You know what. Why don't I take you out for brunch and we can go over the plans."

My mouth opened like a fish. I didn't want to go out.

"I had planned on writing today."

She shook her head. "You can do that later. We need to get started. I was thinking of putting the photo you too of Renner the other day."

I closed my mouth, my lips turning into a smile. "You'd do that?"

Astrid nodded, picking up her diary off the table, closing it. "Of course. It's a reflection of me and you seem to have a really good eye for the subject!"

I couldn't really tell but I was sure she smirked that me. Not a normal smirk but a knowing smirk. Did she really know? Had Jeremy already told her. That's why she was being so kind to me. 

I coughed nervously. 

"So," she said. "Brunch?"

I nodded slowly and smiled. "Sounds good,"

"Excellent," she shouted enthusiastically. I'd never seen her look so happy. "I know the perfect place. Does the best breakfast in town!" 

I moved across the room to kick up my coat off the back of the front door and my bag. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket again, picking it up. Another Renner tweet and a picture of him, his daughter and his mother. "Out with my two favourite girls," It was cute! 

"You ready?" Astrid called out from across the room. 

I nodded, placing my phone into my bag, resisting the urge to make a comment. I opened the door letting Astrid out first. 

Astrid had never bought me anything in the months I'd known her. So having her pay for brunch was definitely new.

She battled through the Sunday morning LA traffic, talking about the show as she drove, clearly excited by the exhibition and the movie studio work. I was excited too. It was going to be a lot of work but I'd never been scared of hard work. 

We parked a block from the cafe, taking in the sunshine. I still hadn't gotten used to all the sun, every single day. I always cheered when it rained. Even taking a short walk. It reminded me of home! The last week I'd missed home, especially my friends. It still didn't feel right not being able to tell them what was really going on. I wanted too but having to swear them to secrecy kinda took all the excitement out of it. 

Astrid found us a seat. It wasn't a cafe but more like a restaurant. I felt a little out of place. I looked around, seeing all the trendy people of LA, not being one of them. But at least I was with someone who was.   
I looked at the menu, trying to find something to do so I would feel and look so out of place. My head rising as I felt someone standing besides me. 

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter asked.

I looked up shaking my head. "Give me a chance mate I've only just looked at the menu,"

My eyes glanced back down at Astrid who was trying not to laugh. But a laugh came from somewhere else, across the room. I turned my head trying to see who found me so amusing. Astrid looked too, stopping to look a few tables over.

"Renner!" she squealed.

I looked around quickly. Surely it couldn't be? He was out with his mom somewhere. 

"Astrid, Hi,"

I knew that voice anywhere and I should have recognised that snorty giggle too. I heard the scrape of his chair as he stood up. I didn't even look up, the guilty look written all over my face. 

"I thought that was you," Jeremy said.

I swallowed hard as I felt his hand on my back, feeling every single finale sprawled out across my skin. Was he doing this on purpose to torment me. Memories flashed in my mind, reliving where else those fingers had been.

Astrid stood up to greet him, all smiles and kissing on each cheek.

"You remember my assistant, Janey!"

I made that mistake again, looking up at him, looking into those blue eyes knowing that one look and a smile would get me every time. But I couldn't see blue eyes cause he was wearing sunglasses. I always thought was a little cocky of him. 

Jeremy looked down at me, flashing that fucking crooked grin. "Of course I remember," he said, lifting up his glasses and folding them against his t shirt. 

I could feel my face flush red, my heart beating fast inside my chest. Just as it had when I first met him only a few days ago and when he touched me that first time! 

Astrid looked behind him, looking to see who he was with. Having his twitter on alert, I knew exactly who he was with. 

"You on your own?' She asked.

Jeremy shook her head. "With my mother and the munchkin,"

She stood from her chair, making a little wave across the room.   
I smiled nervously. I couldn't look. I couldn't come face to face with the woman who produced such a wonderful specimen of manhood. All I could think of was that the mother ship had landed! 

"I can't believe how much she's grown," Astrid added.

"Tell me about it," he said, grinning from ear to ear, looking back at his table. "Are we still okay for next week?"

"Next week?" I asked? 

Astrid smiled. 

"Yeah most of the exhibit will be photos of Jeremy so I thought he should get to choose them. So he's coming to the studio in the week to help us!"

"Us?" I asked innocently, glancing between Astrid and Jeremy.

"Yeah. The only day he can make it is when I'll be at the studio in meeting about their project!"

I took a sip of my orange juice, needing to drench my dry mouth. 

"I thought I was going with you?"

My hands were shaking. She gave me a look, as if she knew. 

"Yeah I'm sorry about that. Prior commitments!" he said looking again at the table where his mom and daughter were.  
"Of course, I understand!" I said, smiling up at him, then back at the table, taking another sip of orange juice. I couldn't believe how cute she was, cuter in real life than in all the proud papa pictures he'd posted

"Don't worry. You'll be fine in Jeremy's capable hands,"

I felt the burning in my nose as I almost spat the orange juice at Astrid from across the table, managing to swallow it which burned even more. I wanted nothing more to be in Jeremy's capable hands. I'd forgotten what it felt to feel his touch, having his arms around me. I coughed hard, trying not to choke. 

"You okay kid?" Astrid asked.

I nodded, coughing and spluttering my way through an "I'm fine,"

I felt Jeremy's hand pat me on the back several times. 

"There you go, that's better!" he said, smiling down at him. 

That fucking smile again. Was he trying to make me worse, choke all over again.

"I'll only be gone for a few hours. I can leave you alone for a few hours, can't I?" 

I nodded nervously or as calmly as I possibly could. 

"Don't make me regret putting you in charge, Janey." Astrid said, giving me her most stern look. She glanced up at Jeremy who was flashing her his best smile too.

"It'll be fine. If there are any problems we can phone you," he said.

I nodded, agreeing with him. My ears heard girly giggling behind me as I felt the space next to me become occupied. Looking up at Jeremy, seeing the look on his face completely change. 

"Mom, you remember Astrid. This is her assistant Janey,"

I smiled up at Valerie. Of course I knew her name without having to be properly introduced. Everyone knew in the fandom knew her. Now here I was, face to face with her, even though she had a 3 year old by her side, who wanted her daddys attention as she asked to be lifted up.

"Please to meet you," she said. "We should get going, she's getting a bit grumpy," she added as she turned to her son.

Jeremy nodded, smiling back down at his daughter. "I'll see you both soon." he said, hugging Astrid.

I swollowed hard as he turned to me, feeling my hands shaking. I felt his hand on my shoulder as he gently gave it a friendly rub. Watching him as he picked up his daughter, carrying her out of the cafe.

I couldn't help but stare for a few moments before Astrid woke me up.

"I see you still haven't gotten over your fangirl phase?" she asked.

I shook my head and smiled. "I'm sure i'll get over it soon enough."

"Just behave on Wednesday."

My mind was already full of naughty thoughts. Hoping that I could keep it professional between us even just for a few hours. I didn't want this project to fail. I knew I could do a good job and I wanted to prove to Astrid that I could do it and be around Jeremy without acting like a total dork. This was just the way to prove to her that this was what I wanted to do. Even though I still wanted to be a writer, if she had seen any talent at all in the few pictures I'd taken then they must have been good. I'd made it clear to Jeremy that I wasn't one of those clingy, needy women. If we had a little fun after work, then we would have a little fun. 

After brunch, I went back to my apartment, hoping to catch up on my writing. Sitting in my room with a vodka and coke, trying to work and listening to Tammy and Gabby in the other room, giggling over some tv show they were watching. After a while their giggling got a little heated and I plugged in my headphones, getting lost in some random 80s music I'd been listening to a lot lately.

By early evening and three playlists lately, I finally had two other finished chapters. I felt pretty pleased with myself. I was finally getting something I'd been working on for years finished. Jeremy had always been my muse but since I met him it was perfectly clear that he always had been and probably always would be. 

 

I was excited about the week that was ahead.


	4. Busted?

Secret Diary of A FanGirl 

 

After a good days writing, I spent a few hours skypeing with my friends, the first time since I'd met Jeremy. It was so hard not to say anything. I was sure they'd know something was different, cause I didn't mention him once! Not until he tweeted during our conversation. Something about enjoying the weekend and looking forward to the week ahead. I admit I smiled to myself when I read it, knowing that the week would bring him to me! 

The conversation turned to his ex's and I felt sick inside. Wondering if I was just one in a long line of soon to be ex's. None of them lasting any longer than a few months, if that. I was glad just to make it passed the first night. I knew it was going to end sooner or later and both of us just wanted a bit of fun and agreed it was going to be just that, fun. I knew how lucky I was to have met him. Wishing I could tell my friends. Maybe after Wednesday I would. 

~~~~~

 

Monday started as every Monday started, Astrid in need of caffeine and plenty of it. She said she had been up for most of the night working out which prints to use in the exhibit. Before I even got into the office she had already emailed 5 lists that were 40 names long, with Jeremy's name on the top. I did have the courage to ask why she couldn't just make the exhibit about Renner. He was after all her favourite client. But you didn't hear that from me. Astrid told me she had thought about it but was thinking of it for a future project. 

Even though we were excited about what was going on Astrid still had clients coming in most of the week, most of which were non famous so I could bit do my fan girl hustle. Putting myself into the role of coffee fetcher girl. Astrid had promised giving me more responsibility. Maybe I was hoping for more than she thought I was capable of. All though, she was letting me lose on choosing some of the photos for the exhibit whilst she was at her meeting at the film studio on Wednesday.

I sat at my desk, going over the less important of Astrid's emails. Just the usual array of party invitations and camera endorsements. The amount of free stuff she had at times was crazy! A few weeks ago I had gone shopping with her to the camera store. It was amazing, seeing that new technology plus looking at the vintage ones had been a blast. I remembered going to the Science Museum in London looking at all the old typewriters and being in awe, totally understand how Astrid felt.

I watched as she moved from one room to another, picking up batches for photos from the archives. Thankfully all of the copies were that, copies. She wasn't stupid enough to have one copies. There was a storage facility plus the cloud storage. I knew a little about cloud storage having most of my fics in the cloud and in several back up hard drives.

I hadn't slept most of the night, wondering what I was going to do. I couldn't keep wanting to be a writer and having this job at the same time. I loved writing and I loved being Astrid's assistant, despite what I told my family and friends in emails every week. Maybe once my novel was finished then I would make a final decision. Not that I wanted to stop writing. I could never stop, it was in my blood. But if Astrid really thought I had a talent elsewhere then why shouldn't I explore it. Telling my parents that I was leaving the UK to become a writer in the US had been terrifying but now to tell them that I was going to be a photographer was going to be even worse. I could hear then now, shouting at me down the phone to come home and get a proper job. 

I looked at my phone, noticing that it was lunch time and hearing my stomach rumble. Both of us had been working since 7am. Astrid looked across at me from her table. "Are you going out for lunch today?" she asked.

I smiled back and nodded. "You want your Monday usual?" 

Every Monday was the same. During the weekend Astrid would try and be good and eat healthy, knowing that it couldn't possibly last the entire week. So on Monday afternoon I would go to the deli a few blocks away and buy the biggest meatball sub and a diet lemonade. I still didn't know why the diet drink but I didn't care because as I was the one getting it, Astrid would pay for mine.

Astrid smiled. "Make sure they don't skip on the sauce like last week."

Of course it was another lovely LA afternoon, which I really didn't mind. I loved walking in the sunshine. One thing I didn't miss about the UK was the miserable weather even in the summer. Autumn and Winter were the worst months. 

I almost got to the deli when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I reached inside picking it up, seeing his name on the alert, just JLR. 

I stopped walking, not wanting to bump into anyone, risking another lawsuit, resting against the wall of the deli. I read the message. "If your not doing anything the weekend. I might have something fun planned,"

My lips broke into a huge smile just as they did every time I saw his twitter alerts on my phone or when I saw a new picture. My fingers typed back furiously. "Depends on your idea of fun." I typed back.

I slipped the phone back into my pocket and stepped inside. The deli was busy as usual, taking my number at the counter and sitting at one of the tables, waiting for it to be called. My phone vibrated again, making me giggle. I looked around the deli, wondering who the other customers were talking to as they texted and spoke on the phone. Sometimes I would try and listen in, trying to catch a glimpse of their lives. Even for just a moment. 

I looked down at my screen. "I'll have to check my diary," I typed, waiting for his reply again. 

I smiled even more widely as his reply appeared on my lock screen. "I'm sure I can make it worth it, Momma!" 

I let out a girly giggle. One that you were supposed to make in public but I couldn't help it! I didn't even hear the guy. Shins the counter call out my number 5 times.

"Miss, no 60," he shouted at me from across the deli, holding out the bag over the counter. "You want this or not?"

I stood up quickly, shoving my phone into my jacket lock and grabbing the food. Promising myself that I wouldn't look at my phone till I got back to the studio. 

It was hard not to stop and just take a quick peek at it, reading his reply. Not wanting to embarrass myself again with my own stupid reply. I was trying to play it down, keep it cool between us and failing miserably. I needed to take my time in replying. Let him think I had something more important to do than to text flirt! That's exactly what was going on, text flirting! 

I made my way back to the studio, Astrid's drink in one hand and a bagful of food in the other. Feeling my phone vibrating in my coat pocket. Even the sensation alone was making me giggle. 

As I got near to the studio I saw a car pulling away, a pretty silver thing. I didn't know anything about other than their colour and they had four wheels.

I managed to make it up the stairs without dropping anything. Opening the door to see Astrid standing in the middle of the room, a strange look on her face. 

"What is it?"

I placed the food down, walking towards her. 

"You just missed you favourite actor," she said. "He said he was sorry he missed you!"

I shook my head, pretending to feign interest. "Oh really. I wondered whose car that was."

Astrid turned, picking up the bag and taking out her sandwich. "Yeah he was here asking me out for dinner!"

I took a few steps back, turning away towards my desk, not wanting Astrid to see my face. "Really. I didn't know the two of you were...."

I didn't know if I wanted to finish that sentence. We weren't together and made it very clear it was just a casual thing but... it still kinda hurt a little.

"We're not," I heard her said with a laugh. "Sorry, I meant invited us for dinner as a thank you for putting his photos in the exhibition," 

I swallowed hard. "That's not even going to be a few months yet. He invited me?" I asked, turning back to see Astrid at her desk, tucking into her sandwich. 

"He kind of insisted on it. Guess you made an impression and besides it'll be good for you, going out and mixing with people. Instead of staying in in front of your computer every night. You never know, we might find you someone to spend those nights in with," she said in between mouthfuls of food, smiling. "I'll pick you up at 8."

I was still shocked that Jeremy had been there whilst he had been texting me. Then I remembered, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone.

I sat at my desk reading them in silence, only my lips moving and hoping that she couldn't lip read. Jeremy had said that he was sorry he had missed me and that he hoped to make up for that soon. I admit I blushed when I read it, wondering what he meant. 

I didn't know why I let Astrid talk me into it. I didn't want to be in a room full of people that I didn't know whilst being in a room with the man i was secretly sleeping with. The evening was not going to end well.

I couldn't fid anything to wear, I didn't even know what to wear. What could i wear that I didn't feel horrid in. It had been a long long since i had worn a dress and I didn't feel good in jeans. My legs did took too bad in a skit and with long boots I could pull it off. 

I searched through my wardrobes just pulling out one thing after another. Frustrated that I wasn't thin enough, pretty enough to fit into the clothes that I wanted. Knowing that I would probably end up wearing jeans and a t shirt.

I heard the door to my room open and a little sighing noise. It was Tammy, wearing her pjs and drinking a cup of tea. At least I wasn't the only one who wanted a cosy night in. She walked across the room picking out a top a skirt, thrusting them into my arms.

"All done, now go and get changed," she said.

I shook my head, already ruling out the skirt as way too short, especially with my thighs.

"I... I cant.

"This is to impress that guy right... Take it from me, nothing hotter than a girl in a tight shirt and short skirt. It'll look great with those boots. You'll look great."

"I'm not sure if it's me!"

Tammy shook her head. "Of course it's you, there your clothes. Now get ready so you can impress the hell out of....."

Tammy paused waiting for me to fill in the blank and reveal his name. But of course I didn't.

"Oh come on Janey, how long have we got to wait?"

I smiled back at her as I took the clothes into my bathroom. I still wasn't sure if a short skirt would be appropriate but it was the skirt I was wearing when I met Jeremy. So it could have been a good oman to wear it. 

It didn't take long to get dressed and Tammy was still there when I appeared back in my bedroom, standing and staring at me.

"Whoever he is Janey is a very lucky man! You look amazing!" 

I turned to look on the mirror, realising that I didn't look too bad. I definitely wouldn't pass for a California girl. Not with my pastie, not able to tan, English skin. 

"You think?"

Tammy nodded. "You need to get your British ass moving, it's almost 8 and you know how punctual Astrid is." 

She was right. Astrid prided herself on being punctual and expected it in others too, especially her employees. 

"Get your boots on Janey!" Tammy said as we both heard the doorbell ring.

"Fuck!" 

She disappeared into the main room of the flat. I heard the door open and Astrid's voice calling my name. I only had time to put my boots on. I didn't want to go out there. Not wanting to go out at all. I didn't feel right. 

"Give me five more minutes?" I shouted back. 

I looked at myself quickly on the mirror. Granted I looked okay but it looked like I was making the wrong kind of impression. I didn't want to be one of his ex's who dressed slutti, taking duck face pics of themselves and posted it on twitter. I'm British and I have more class than that!

I turned around seeing it on the edge of my bed and smiled to myself. Not understanding why I'd dismissed it earlier. I picked it up rushing into the bathroom to get changed.

I opened the door slowly, stepping out into the living room. Astrid was standing by the door, holding my coat in her hand and not looking impressed. 

"About time," she muttered under her breath. 

She looked up from her phone long enough to see me standing in front of her, somehow waiting for her approval of my outfit. 

"What happened to the skirt?" Tammy asked from across the room.

"It didn't feel right,"

I finally caught Astrids eye, forcing her to smile. "Don't you scrub up well!" She said. "Now let's get going,"

She pushed my coat into my hand and opened the door, taking another look at me and smiled.

I didn't say anything in the car, just looking at my phone, looking out the window or making sure my dress wasn't riding too high. I was taking a big risk wearing that dress. Not sure who I was trying to impress. Knowing that Jeremy was gonna be there terrified me more than anything. How was I supposed to act around him without making Astrid and everyone else suspicious. Ignoring him was not going to be a problem.

It too is twenty minutes to get to the restaurant. One of those place you have to queue around the block to get into if you hadn't booked a table and the kind of place that was booked up months in advance. 

My heart was in my mouth as I watched Astrid give the car park attendant her car keys. As usher me towards the entrance. The door man holding the door open for us. Astrid looked at the room, looking for our party. My hands were shaking as I clung to my bag, feeling my phone continuously vibrating, wishing I'd turned it off. My anxiety reaching new heights as I looked around seeing the brightest, prettiest and thinnest of LA's population. I didn't fit in here and I knew I shouldn't have come. Right now I should be in my flat in my pjs watching some trashy show on TV. 

Astrid grabbed my arm, pulling me across the room towards a huge table with at least 8 other people on it. I didn't want to look at them, my eyes finding there way across the table towards Jeremy, who was standing at the corner edge of the table. A deep sigh escaped my breath. Luckily Astrid hadn't noticed as she began hugging one of our dinner companions. I hated all that fake LA shit. Greeting someone and pretending to like them. 

I caught Jeremy's eye and he looked up, flashing me that smile. All I could do was casually smile back. In my kind trying not to think about how I had seen him lately, naked on my bed and still grinning at me like a dork. 

My hands began to shake even more as I saw him moving towards me. My eyes fluttering nervously. Relieved that he was intercepted by Astrid, whispering something into his ear, which made him laugh. 

Jeremy turned towards the table, hugging Astrid as did so. "You guys remember Astrid," he said.

I looked away, hugging my purse even tighter. I guess it was a security thing or I was scared I'd drop it if I didn't hold on. 

"And this is her able assistant Janey!" He added, grabbing my arm and pulling me around the table. "Janey is this....."

By the time he'd introduced me to his friends, I'd already forgotten their names but recognised some of them. I was about to turn to him when I noticed two girls creeping behind him, taking out their phones, asking for a picture. My eyes blinded for a moment by the flash. 

Jeremy tried to manoeuvre me so I was sitting next to him. Luckily I managed to pull Astrid into the seat next to me instead. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was going to be a long night. 

I sat and listened to everyone talking for the first twenty minutes, scared to interrupt and not quite understanding what they were talking about. Of course Jeremy's friends were very kind, asking questions about where I was from and how I came to be in LA. Finding it quite amusing when I told them I'd bumped into Astrid in Starbucks, drenching her in hot coffee and barely avoiding being sued. Jeremy's laugh was intoxicating. I did wonder if my subconscious was telling funny stories just to hear him laugh. 

His friends asked several times if I was planning to settle in LA permanently or if I saw myself moving back to England. I told them what I told myself. Nothing was written in stone. I loved working for Astrid and she even told them herself that she would do anything to keep me. 

Astrid stood from her chair, excusing herself for a moment to the bathroom. I felt a sudden wave of panic as Jeremy took her place next to me. 

"You having a good time?" He asked.

I practically jumped out of my seat as he placed his hand on my knee.

"Did I tell you how amazing you look?" 

I shook my head. Of course he hadn't, not in front of his friends. He leant in closer, his hand pressed firmly against my leg, moving up my thigh. I felt his breath against my ear, that deep voice sending a shiver down my spine.

"I can't wait to take you out of that dress," he whispered. 

I managed to turn my head to look at him, my mouth making a mmm noise, my eyes looking around the table, wondering which if any were looking at us. Turned out none of them were looking at us, each involved in their own conversations with the person next to them or the waiter who had come over to take our orders. 

I rested my hand on top of his, undecided where I should move it, higher or off my leg completely. 

Jeremy looked disappointed as I moved it away, shaking his head slowly. 

"Later," he whispered again. 

I swallowed hard. My whole body was on fire, even in the thin dress I was wearing. I couldn't let him see or anyone see the effect he had on me. I'm sure my whole body was screaming out fangirl at his friends. 

I looked up, seeing Astrid come back from the bathroom, sitting on a different available seat after someone else had gone to the bar to try and get some service. After a few moments another waiter appeared, apologising as another member of staff had been taken ill. 

I smiled as I heard a family accent. Another Brit. He moved around the table, slowly taking everyone's order in turn. I smiled to myself as Jeremy took out his glasses to read the menu in front of him! Still one of the sexiest things I had ever seen. 

"Miss," the waiter asked. "What can I get for you?"

With all my nerves I'd forgotten to look at the menu, unsure of what I wanted and if I wanted to eat in front of these total strangers. "I'll just have the salad," I whispered under my breath.

"And to follow?"

"Just the salad,"

I looked up from the menu across the table, my eyes drawn to the pretty stick thin blonde in front of me who whispered something to the man next to her.

The guy nodded and began to laugh, just barely able to hear his reply. "Must have had a really big lunch!" 

My eyes fell onto the table, not wanting to look at anyone. I could feel my face begin burn and turn red and my hands shake and chest pound. 

"Hey," Jeremy said as he placed his hand on top of mine.

I was barely able to stand. 

"Excuse me,"

Jeremy looked up at me me, his hand still clasped in mine. 

"I just need a minute,"

I saw Astrid stand up, a look of concern on her face but sit back down as I made my way towards the ladies toilets. I could hear her raised voice behind me, fading as I shut the door behind me. 

It was one of those posh toilets that made me glad I wasn't going anything toilet related in there. 

I looked at myself in the mirror, shaking my head, wishing I could let what they said wash over me. But I couldn't. I know in my head I was judging her for being too thin and having lips like a duck but deep down I was as bad as she was but.. 

Wiping the tears from my eye I heard a knock on the bathroom room. Expecting it to be Astrid, I turned around and instead of Astrid standing there it was Jeremy. He just looked at me for a moment before approaching as though he was waiting for a signal or something. 

"I'll be out in a minute," I said. 

I turned away, hearing his footsteps as he stood behind me. 

"Take no notice of them. I don't even know who the fuck they were. They must have just followed us in and sat down," 

My head turned, seeing the sincere look on his face. The same look he'd given me that first day in the studio. 

"How can I. It's probably what your friends were thinking,"

Jeremy shook his head. "No they don't. They thought you were funny, especially telling them how you and Astrid met. Plus they love your accent." 

I shook my head.

"You think I'd surround myself with people like that, vain, stupid people." Jeremy said, moving closer. "She was probably jealous cause you look amazing in that dress. It fits, every...."

I held my breath as he stood in front of me, pressing me against the sink counter. His hand on my waist.

".... every delicious curve," he added.

"Stop caring what people who aren't important think about you. Most of the time they fuck off after a second and they're gone. Ignore them Janey. I think your fucking amazing and so sexy," 

Jeremy pressed me harder against the counter top, moving his hand from my waist to my thigh, moving up my dress. My heart was beating faster, shaking my head. 

"Not in here," I whispered. "Someone might come in,"

"No one will come in. I put the out of order sign on the door," he said, winking and flashing that cheeky grin at me. "And I'm not sure I can wait till I get you out of this place and out of that dress."

I felt his breath on my face as he pressed his lips against mine and his hand moving under my dress. My breathing increased as his finger grazed the fabric of my panties. Suddenly his hands move to my waist again, spinning me around to face the mirror in front of us. 

"Look how fucking sexy you are," 

I looked down at my reflection, seeing Jeremy standing behind me, nuzzling me. 

He turned me back around, pressing me back against the counter. His hand trailing down my dress, popping open every button, sliding in his hand. Those large hands cupped my breasts making the most incoherent sound escape from my mouth. 

Jeremy kissed me softly, his lips teasing me as his hand moved further south, down my stomach. I still flinched as his fingers made contact with my skin. Not the best area for him to touch me but I didn't want him to stop. It felt like he was hardly touching me at all to get the reaction he wanted. 

"Don't stop!" I panted. 

Finally his hands were between my legs. Managing to catch my breath as those fingers slipped inside my panties. 

Jeremy bit his lip slowly, his eyes widening as his fingers trailed along my wet pussy before pushing two inside. I could feel my whole body begin to shake as he pressed his body closer. His fingers beginning to move faster, strumming my clit with his thumb. I knew he wanted to get me off as quickly as he could and I wasn't about to stop him.

My hand fell against his chest, my eyes locked on his as he pounded me with those delicious fingers. My hand falling down his body, resting on his crotch. 

"Jereconda," I whispered under my breath. 

"That's it..." Jeremy whispered. 

I came quickly, falling against him, trying to compose myself before looking up. Jeremy looked around, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the nearest cubicle, my dress flapping open.

I grabbed hold of him quickly, desperate to get those jeans off and his cock inside me. I didn't care now if someone came in. All I wanted was for him to come inside me. 

The look of relief on Jeremy's face was priceless. A look I would never get tired of. So beautiful and dirty at the same time. 

I watched him as he flipped down the toilet seat to sit down on it, pulling me on top of him. Slowly sinking down onto his cock. That feeling of fullness again that I had missed so much. 

"You're so fucking beautiful," he whispered, his hands up and down my back. Then grabbing my ass to help me ride against him.

I was in ecstasy. The added thrill that we could get caught added to the pleasure. We never took our eyes off each other the entire time. Jeremy grinning at me. That cheeky, dirty smirk was going to get me into a lot of trouble. But I would never get tired of riding the Renner train. Perfectly long and always coming on time! 

Ten minutes later we emerged from the bathroom, me going first, pretending to look upset over what I had overheard earlier. As I turned the corner I almost bumped into the waiter that had served us.

"I'm sorry miss, are you okay?" He asked, his accent unmistakably British. 

"I'm fine, it's okay. Where in England are you from?" I asked. 

It was nice hearing a friendly accent for once. He told me that his name was Peter and his was from Manchester. As he was talking my head turned slowly as Jeremy passed me, giving me that same dirty smirk he always did. I admit I got a little distracted as I didn't hear the rest of Peter's conversation. Watching Jeremy as he walked away, admiring that perfect ass. In the bathroom we both agreed that this wasn't the appropriate place to to do what we did and that the next stop would be his place, which terrified me. 

I smiled at Peter and walked away, back to my table where Astrid gave me the scariest look ever. She knew didn't she. She fucking knew and I was about to be fired for fucking a client. 

"Janey your phone has been ringing constantly for ten minutes. I don't mind personally but the Avengers theme tune can get tiring after the first few."

"Fuck," I whispered under my breath. I'd remembered to take off my Hawkeye case and change my wallpapers but forgot to change my ring tone. 

Astrid handed me my phone. I looked down at the screen, seeing that I had 10 missed called and three text messages from my friends back in the UK. 

I read the messages, my hands shaking in panic.

"Janey, what's wrong?" Renner asked.

I read the messages over again to make sure I hadn't read them wrong. 

"Janey where are you? Are you having dinner in the same restaurant as Renner?" "Janey. Have you seen this picture. That's definitely you isn't it?" "Are you in the same place. You sitting right next to him. It's all over the internet!"

Then I looked at the picture. It was the picture the two girls had taken earlier. Not realising that I was sitting right next to him, my face slightly blurred by the flash but definitely me.

I showed Jeremy the picture, shaking my head. "I have to go, my friends are freaking out that I've met you. I need to call them,"

"But its in the middle of the night over there," Astrid added. 

"Trust me, they'll still be up."

This was the call I had been dreading making. 

"Then I'll drive you home," Jeremy said.

Astrid shook her head. "No no. I'll take her home."

"I'm really sorry," 

I looked around the table seeing amused faces looking back at me. I felt like an idiot and a loser. The most embarrassing thing ever to happen to me. They now knew I was a fangirl even if my ring tone hadn't have given it away. 

Jeremy stood up, kissing the side of my cheek affectionately, whispering in my ear. "I'll call you,"

Fuck it. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to have that conversation with my friends telling them yes it was me and yes I had met Renner. But would leave out the part of us fucking for the last almost 2 weeks. That would be a conversation for another day. I wanted to go home with him! 

I put on my coat and walked towards the door as Astrid followed me, apologising to the rest of the group on my behalf. I looked at Jeremy who had sat back down, still watching me as I left the restaurant. 

As we stepped out onto the path, Astrid grabbed my hand, giving me a look I hadn't seen before, pulling me closer to her.

"Just be careful Janey," She whispered in my ear. "I wouldn't want to see either of you get hurt,"

There was a sincerity in her voice. Now I knew that she knew. But had she worked it out or had Jeremy told her?

I looked at her, nodding slowly. Then I felt my phone begin to vibrate, another missed call. "Jesus. It was just one photo," I said. "It wasn't even taken half hour ago,"

"Now you know how quickly things to get around on the internet, Janey," she said as she gave her key to the car attendant. "As i said, be careful,"

As I waited for the car, I looked back into the restaurant seeing Jeremy sitting in his chair chatting to the girl who had been sat a few chairs away from me. A moment of jealousy shot through my entire core. Then he stood up, his arms out stretched and shaking his head. I watched as he made his way over to the bar with one of his friends, deep in conversation and for a brief second pointing in the direction of the door. Watching as his friend patted him on the back!

Astrid tapped me on the shoulder, making me turn away. "Cars here,"

I followed her to the car, opening the door and sitting in the passenger seat. Annoyed that my phone was still ringing and vibrating, wanting to turn it off and go back into the restaurant. I looked at the picture again. It was me, even a blurry looking version of me. I looked at it more closely. Jeremy having his picture taken with 2 young girls and me, sitting behind him, looking up at him. The look most definitely one of adoration and emotion. Not seeing it until now. Maybe that's why my friends kept phoning me to ask why I had that look on my face. 

Astrid dropped me at home, not seeing me to the door as she usually did. 

Tammy was still at home, catching up on some work. I didn't even speak as I sped into my room shutting the door behind me. After a few minutes she knocked on the door and asked if I was okay. I told her that I was and I would explain later.

I switched on my computer and sat down, my hands shaking. Angry that I had been forced to leave my evening.

I Skyped with my friends for over an hour, trying to calm them down and trying to explain what had happened. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell them about the photo shoot. Not wanting them to get too excited that not only had I met him but worked with him and even taken his photograph. But I told them anyway which didn't go down well. The fact that I'd kept it from them a little hurtful. Even though I told them that it was Astrid's policy not to have shoots made public until the photos and the magazines etc were due to be released. I felt as though I'd let them down in that respect but when they asked about the photograph and how I came to be there I told a little white lie, that Astrid had taken me out for dinner and him and his friends had happened to be there. Of course leaving out what happened in the bathroom. I couldn't tell them what had really happened the last week or so. They probably wouldn't have believed me anyway and I wasn't ready to share that kind of information. I didn't want them to have to lie to everyone else we knew. I was protecting them as well as myself and Renner. 

After the initial awkwardness of the conversation it went onto the usual questions, what he was like, was he nice, how did he smell. I remembered the quote I'd seen on tumblr a few weeks ago that Renner was made from sunshine, puppies and sex, telling them that it wasn't far off. I admit I went into fangirl mode saying that his smile was like sunshine and he smelt of Chanel which was sexy.

After a while everything went calm and they began to feel excited that I had met Renner. Wanting to know everything about him and if Astrid would be photographing him again and if there was anything else going on between them. 

By the time we had finished talking it was time for them to get up and time for me to go to bed. I turned off my laptop, looking back at my bed. It had been a long day. 

I stood up, just making it to my bed before the doorbell rang. "Who the fuck is that?" I heard Tammy scream. Hearing her footsteps all the way from her bedroom to the front door. 

I sat on the end of the bed, taking off my boots. Hearing muffled voices in the next room and a laugh.

"Janey you have a visitor!"

I stood up and opened the door, expecting it to be Astrid again but it was Renner. As I got nearer I noticed the two of them engaged in conversation. He was such a charmer even though his charms were wasted on Tammy. 

"Why didn't you tell me Jeremy was the client you and Astrid went out with tonight?" 

Tammy eye brows raised, smirking at me. She knew too. Was it written all over my face or just because of the huge smile when I saw him at the door. 

"You... you two know each other?" I asked, already seemingly knowing the answer. 

"I work in the same PR firm than handles both Astrid and Jeremy," Tammy answered. 

Jeremy looked at me, his eyes lowering and staring at my feet. Noticing that I'd swapped out of my boots and into my favourite slippers. 

"Can we talk?" Jeremy asked, his hands in his pockets like a little school boy.

I grabbed his arm, pulling him into my bedroom. 

"Just keep the noise down I've got an early meeting in the morning," Tammy whispered as she made her way back into her own room.

I heard her door shut before I shut mine. I turned back seeing Jeremy standing in the middle of my room. 

"What are you doing here? Are you crazy?" I said, scolding him. Not that it wasn't good to see him. 

"I just want to see if you were okay. I tried to call but your cell isn't working or off or something!" he said as he moved closer. "Are you okay? Did your friends calm down?" 

I shook my head in disbelief. "You came all his way just to ask me that? I asked as I paced the room.

" i wanted to make sure that you were okay!" 

I stopped for a moment, looking at him. "You came here to ask if I'd told them about you, about us, whatever it is!" 

"Did you?" He asked, moving even closer, seeing that I'd stopped moving and flailing my arms around like some kind of demented chicken. 

"Of course I didn't. I told you I wouldn't. They only just believed me that we'd actually met. How do you think they'd react if I told them we were fucking? They'd probably have my mother have me committed!" 

Then I remembered back at the restaurant whilst I was waiting for the car, seeing Jeremy's friend patting him on the back and pointing in my direction. 

"What about you. I saw you back in at the restaurant. You told your friends, didn't you?"

I watched as Jeremy moved closer, standing right in front of me, his arm around my waist. He nodded slowly, flashing that playful smile at me. 

"And Astrid?"

I was terrified of the answer. 

"She's a smart woman, she figured out for herself!"

"When?" I asked, more than a little curious. 

Jeremy's grin got wider. 

"That moment she found us in the cupboard. I told you I asked for you number and she was reluctant to give it to me."

"Oh god!"

I began pacing the room again, shaking my head. "She's gonna fire me. I'm gonna go back to having no money, living on that creepy guys floor,"

I stopped for a moment, sitting down hard on the end of my bed, realisation of what could happen sinking in. 

"They'll deport me won't they? My works visa will be cancelled and I'll have to go home, a failure,"

I looked up at Jeremy to see him shaking his head. "She is not gonna fire you okay. She really cares about you,"

"I'll have to tell all my friends that what's the point of having a dream when you screw it up anyway. They were right I never should have come here,"

Jeremy shook his head urgently, moving the short space to sit next to me on the bed. I could feel the heat from his body as he pressed his hand on my knee.

"I told you she won't fire you. If she ever did you could always work for me. I'm sure I could find a position for you!" He said, giving me that cheeky grin. 

His fingers spread across my knee, moving upwards. I bit my lip and stood up in front of him. An arm reached out around my waist pulling me closer my slippers rustling against my purple carpet. I looked down at him, giving me the same look he had from the bathroom at the restaurant. 

I could feel his hand on me. I still felt a little ashamed that I wasn't perfect enough for him. My brain going back to the woman at the restaurant and her harsh words. I moaned a little, I couldn't help it.

"I don't think my parents would approve of that!" I said, sitting on his lap facing him. "Or my friends!"

Jeremy looked up at me, flashing me that smile. "Forget what your parents and friends might think and forget what Astrid thinks. You're good at that job and she ain't fired you yet," he said. 

"But!" I tried to talk but Jeremy placed his finger on my lips. It felt a little like school but the teacher would tell us to stop taking and to place our fingers on lips. But this wasn't school, this was now my life!


End file.
